Hi everyone. Chances are, if you're reading this, you already know who I am and how I feel about having a ProseBox.
That said, I can't guarantee I will want to write in here consistently. I used to think if OD went under that I wouldn't migrate somewhere else, and I still feel that way. However, I was hoping against hope that, for whatever reason, OD would chug along at least through this year and maybe die at the end. Sadly that was not to be. I could deal with the frequent time outs and server issues because I still knew that eventually it would come back--however slowly--and all my notes and entries would be there.
OD was a special place for all of us. I myself had my Playing the Angel diary since September 2004--almost made it a decade. However I had been on the site for the 3 previous years as well, sort of as a hobby for learning HTML with me and some of my high school friends. But all in all, this diary holds a lot of memories for me--I lost my best friend shortly after its creation, I graduated from high school and moved 500 miles away, I got my first job (and all my subsequent ones, all retail, all nearly worthless but jobs nonetheless), I started and finished college, I went to study in Paris for a month, my brother got married, I became an aunt (twice !), I lost two canine companions (ages nearly 16 and nearly 14) and a feline companion as well (13 and a half), I fought through a very early stage of ovarian cancer mostly alone (except for the support I got through OD), I have been fighting with severe endometriosis that has only recently started to become a bit controlled, and... the best part... I met an awesome man through OD that I hope to have a long and fulfilled relationship with. He is smart, charming, silly, loving, caring, understanding, and I can't believe things turned out the way they did (in a good way). It's insane to think about how close you become to someone you haven't even met, and then you do meet, a few times even after that, and every time just gets happier and happier (if I count all the days from the visits we've had, we've spent close to a full month and a half of time actually together since mid-May).
Is the situation ideal ? Of course not. Do we hope against hope that part of the reason we took this jump was because we do want to make it work and at least live near each other ? Yes. I want to live close to him so badly I would do nearly anything to make that happen. Do I have a track record in my life of not getting the things I want ? Yes... I get the things I need. I have a supportive family. But my situation is not the best. I'm 26 and living at home, having never had the finances to move out (at least around DC, where it's impossible to find something for less than $1000/month). I often thought about moving back to Ohio, where my two best friends still are. Ideally, my guy will either come out here to the DC or Baltimore area, or we can move to Cincinnati, Ohio. Even if that doesn't work out, I would be willing to relocate to Minnesota, or even if he gets into WVU, that's only about a 3 hours' drive away. Even that's better than the current situation.
It's rare I get what I want out of life. My life is full of "coulda shoulda woulda." I don't want this to be another of those situations. I've had too many that have broken my heart and nearly ruined me as a human being and a woman, and I literally can't bear the thought of not being able to be at least be relatively close to him by the end of the year at the latest.
I have a million fears of how something may go wrong, but to go with those fears are also hopes. Hopes that we can get by, even if only just. Hopes that we can share a bed and a life and a home, such as it may be. We'll be able to comfort each other in ways other than words. We won't need to sync up our Netflix movies together anymore !
Really, the possibility of this happening is the light in my life right now. That's not to say it's the only thing I'm living for because that would be false. But it is definitely the direction I want my life to go in. I'll be 27 in May and this is what I want. My 26th year of life is supposed to be my golden year and I'm already more than halfway through it and with the exception of this wonderful man in my life in a significant way, it has not felt like my golden year. This is what I want. And if the universe or God or what have you, finally sees fit to make a piece of my life fit where I want it, then this is what I will get.
~Rachel
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