Utter insanity and a dash of sadness in Elemental psychosis

Today marks the 20th anniversary of my entire world shattering and crashing down upon my head. The love of my life died in a horrific car accident and I was left to pick up the pieces alone as a single mother of a toddler and another child on the way. It always amazes me how resilient the human psyche truly is. I felt as if I would never be able to function as a normal human being after that incident occurred. Not only did I function, I fought my ass off to create my own little world complete with happiness. I surrounded myself with the most amazing humans I could find (I am quite certain a few are not truly from this world and are simply visiting from their own worlds) I threw myself into art and music while raising my children to be true to themselves and to enjoy every moment of their lives, in which we are never guaranteed a single moment. I was determined to survive everything falling apart and looking back on the past 20 years, I honestly have no idea how I did it. Even with 20 years to come to terms with that loss, it is still a fresh wound on February 19th of each passing year. It still causes tears to fall and my heart breaks all over again once a year. I somehow managed to pick up those pieces of shattered heart, tape them back in place (glue doesn’t seem to work so I have resorted to duct tape) and continue forward. I turned 37 this past year and as I creep closer to 40, I regularly look back at my life and every experience I have had and quietly wonder how the hell I ever survived. I can name hundreds of instances where I should have died, I can name multiple heartbreaking, multiple losses of lives of friends, family, and those whom I loved, throw in two marriages, one truly devastating divorce, three children, and every other life experience and I am both amazed and confused. How, do we as squishy sacks of flesh, survive these moments in our lives, how are we so fragile yet so resilient at the same time? My goal is to answer that question before my ticking little clock that is my life stops ticking and light ceases to exist. If you are reading this, always remember you are fragile, but also extremely resilient, you will survive the insanity life throws at you and the good truly does outweigh the bad in life. Welcome to the insanity that I call my life.