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Did I mention? in My book

  • Oct. 9, 2017, 9:42 p.m.
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Did I mention that I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD? I have been depressed since I was the age 14. I am turning 20 in March. It hit me when I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my lonjas, my thighs, my arm fat, and my big boobs. I wanted to bee those skinny models every man falls in love in on TV. It hit me when I figured out the reason why my dad drank alcohol breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. It hit me when I figured out that my dad is an alcoholic. Did I mention that I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD? When my hands shake, it is because of my anxiety. It is when my I can hear my heart race and when I feel short on breath. I am out of breath when my mother does not answer her phone the second time because she knows I am diagnosed with anxiety. It is when my sister has read my messages but has not yet replied because she knows I am diagnosed with anxiety. Did I mention that I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD? Every minute or so, I hear the screams and crying of my mother when my brother died in out shower because of an overdose. Every minute or so, I hear the screams and crying of my mother because my father just had a seizure due to his alcoholism. It is the voices and yells and screams that I continue to hear and hear in my head. It is when I say MAKE IT STOP then pull my hair because it won’t stop. Did I mention that I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD? Every single night, I check if the oven is off, if all the doors and windows are lock, if I said “Goodnight, I love you, sleep with the angels, muah, to my mother sister, and two dogs. And I know I have done those things over five times but I just continue to turn off the oven even though the oven if off, lock the doors and windows even though they are locked, say “Goodnight, I love you, sleep with the angels, muah, even though my mother, sister, and two dogs are asleep and I feel terrible when I have to wake them up just to repeat myself and it is because of my OCD. Did I mention that I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD? If I haven’t, I am sorry.


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