dish or deal? in Check Yes Or No????

should i tell him that i want an open marriage (Mr. Officer) or leave it alone? like i have previously stated that i am in love with my husband but it feels like something is missing could it be me because i feel like my family is in complete? No i don’t want more children, no i don’t think having more children will fix my marriage. I think that these miscarriages that i have had messed me up, i cant talk to a therapist because i feel like its my fault and i’m not ready to move on or talk through my feelings. What if i opened up and forgot them or opened up and realized that my life that i am living isn’t where i should be? I can’t just start over i am married and have children. I know that i would want to know if the roles were reversed, but i don’t want him to feel hurt. I love him more than he knows, he is and has been the love of my life for as long as i can remember i have always felt such strong feelings for him. I hope that one day i wont ask myself these questions or feel the need to make journal entries. I feel like no one hears me, especially my husband maybe that is what my marriage is lacking? Who knows maybe i will one day have all these questions of mine answered.