A little bit of history. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my sister and I were raised primarily by my mother. When my sister and I were teens, my mother had this very close female friend who was always around. We used to say that our my was a lesbian, but we meant it mostly as a joke.
As we got a little older, it started to feel like less of a joke. We’d heard my mother and her friend say “I love you” to each other on a regular basis. Less often, we’d seen them kiss. Quick short closed-mouth kisses on the lips. Although they seemed to try hard to not make it obvious, the friend was often spending the night at our place, in my mom’s room.
When I was 24, my mom officially came out of the closet. She shared with my sister and me that she had figured out her sexuality late in life and that her being a lesbian had nothing to do with the reasons her marriage to my father failed. I’m not sure why she said that, as if it mattered one way or the other to us.
Not long after that, we stopped seeing the friend around, and even though she never talked to us about it, it was clear that their relationship had ended. Suddenly my mother, in her late 50’s at the time, was out trying to meet women. She was dating actively and was often introducing us to women in her life, only to be with someone else a few months later.
When I was 28 (and my mom was 61), she met Grace. Grace seemed young, but I was actually really surprised when I found out she was less than a year older than me (and almost two years younger than my sister). Grace was really nice and got along well with my mother, but I think my sister and I were both disturbed by the fact that our mother was in a sexual relationship with someone the age of her children.
Four years later, my mom and Grace got married. They’ve now been married for five years and together for nearly 10. They seem to have a very happy relationship and I am happy for them.
Even with our similarities in age, Grace is actually very motherly with me. She definitely plays the role of step-mom in my life and I often have very mother/son type conversations with her. She’s never felt like my peer regardless of our age.
When I spoke to my mother a few months ago on Mother’s Day, as was usual, she handed the phone over to Grace and I also wished her a happy Mother’s Day. We talked for a bit, mostly her asking questions about my life. At the end of the conversation she told me she loved me, and I said it back to her. We’ve had that type of relationship for years now.
But before she hung up the phone, I said I wanted to ask her one more thing. I told her I wanted to start calling her “mom” and I asked if she would be OK with that. She seemed very happy with the idea.
I don’t see them as regularly as I probably should, and last weekend was the first time since Mother’s Day. I walked into their home and was greeted at the door by Grace. I said, “Hi mom,” very aware that it was actually the first time I’d called her that. She responded, “Hi, sweetheart,” and gave me a hug.
It feels weird having a woman in my life that is essentially my age but is legitimately a mother to me, but it also feels right.
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