Is anyone out there? in Random

I lead a very lonely life. I had to make my blogger private for a while, because I was tipped off that someone from my soon-to-be-former company was reading it.

It was already a lonely place, but at least I had lurkers. Now, I’m just writing for myself. And while that’s the point of all of it, it feels very isolated.

One of the benefits of having my position “eliminated” is that my company has contracted with another company to give me job searching support, including resume building. Even if I find a job with my current resume, it doesn’t help to dust off the cobwebs, in case I don’t get the job I’m interviewing for Friday or in case I’m job hunting again in a few years. They also assist with finding jobs to apply for, so I plan to take advantage of it. I get the help for six months, which hopefully is much longer than I’ll need given that my severance runs out in two.

I officially declined to take another job at my company. I don’t belong there, and I don’t think anyone wanted me there. I fit in so well at my old job, but at this one I constantly felt like an outcast. And I never felt like I was getting the opportunities I wanted. I felt held back, and I have theories as to why that was. All of them are illegal, but I don’t think any of them were intentional.

I also had an “informal” call with my former company (not the one I’m leaving now) today. I’m not excited at the prospect of going back there, but it would be in a different role from before, and I’m willing to hear them out. I don’t want to assume that the job I’m interviewing for on Friday is going to work out, or that it’s going to pay enough, so I need to have options. And I know that my former company loved me and would take me back, and maybe I could find a way to be happy there.

It’s a lot to consider. Maybe that’s why I’ve been battling insomnia lately. I even resisted taking a nap today because I didn’t want to be up again all night. I know C does a lot at home with the kids and I don’t want him to feel like he has to do it all alone.

Oh, and our internet has been broken since three big storms blew through yesterday. Have a technician coming out tomorrow to look at it, but in the meantime life is really boring! No Netflix, no job hunting, just me and my thoughts. You’d think that would put me to sleep, but alas…