My nanny position was short lived. I ended up taking a job in the file room of my dad’s medical office. This meant I got to wear scrubs and since I was ‘office princess’ I got to make up my own hours.
In January Darrin announced he was quitting smoking. I had never once complained, asked, or suggested he do so, but I was thrilled. It was one mark against him I could erase from the big imaginary white board of ‘Reasons He Is All Wrong For Me.’
When Valentine’s Day rolled around Darrin very conveniently had a work assignment in Washington D.C. Of course I accused him of planning it that way, and he swore he hadn’t. I wasn’t so sure. Imagine my surprise when I came to work that Feb 14th to find a large bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates. Wow! I forgave him after that. Especially since obviously my dad was going to see all that.
In April Darrin’s kids came down to visit and he invited me to join them at a Go Kart Track. I was very nervous, but we had recently learned they would be moving to Alaska in the summertime, so really it was now or never. I brought them both potted plants, and his daughter gave me a colored picture of a fish which I still have. Although they were standoffish at first I won them over in the end. That little girl who asked for “an ice tream tone” will turn 18 years old this year. His son is already 21. I left them with a birthday cake which I had baked for them to share as the next day was Darrin’s birthday.
In May we went camping together, just Darrin and I. We found a hidden place off the Blue Ridge parkway. I was, quite honestly, terrified. In the middle of the night I had blair witch flashbacks. But in the morning I found a tree mushroom and scratched a little poem for Darrin. “Secret hideaway, Blue Sky morning, With you I am safe.”
In June we celebrated Father’s Day with a campout with the kids. The first night I watched him put them to bed in silhouette from the second tent. He sang to them a song I could not hear and I cried, because everything I had dreamed of was inside that tent and it would never be mine. I would always be on the outside looking in. That camping trip was the last time he was going to have with them before the big move and he was devastated. He wanted so badly for everything to go well, but everything did not go well. The three of them got food poisoning, and we had to pull up stakes and return them to mom a day early. When we returned to the campsite without them we sat on the picnic table and he wept in my arms.
In July I saw him in full dress uniform for the first time. He was working a booth at a Women’s Expo with ‘the new guy’ and I sidled up to the table and pretended not to know him. We chatted about the army and I filled out a card with my information as if I was interested. It felt like we were actors in a terrible movie, and my hand was shaking so badly I could hardly write. At the end of the day Darrin pocketed my card while the new guy gave him the side-eye and forever after he thought that was how we had met.
In August, 13 months after our first date Darrin held me in the shower and stumbled all over his words, “I kind of think that maybe I might be falling in love with you.” I laughed at him, and we kissed. These words were a long time coming and still so hard for him to say. We went out for lunch and he asked me “How do you feel now that your boyfriend told you he loved you?” “Hmm,” I teased, “Did he say that? I think he said he kind of maybe thought he might…” He laughed loudly and took my hand. He looked into my eyes, and he spoke the three words I so longed to hear. Of course, I had fallen for him long before then. I had probably told him so drunkenly one night after dinner and dancing. Honestly, I can’t remember, and neither can he.
In September I attended my first military ball. I could not have been more excited. I wore a red dress and got my hair and make-up professionally done. He wore his full dress uniform again, but this time there was no pretending – he was mine. Well. Maybe there was some pretending. The night before the ball we all went out to a country bar. There was lots of drinking and dancing. Darrin and I were secure in our relationship, so I played around by teasing his buddies that we were not secure. He kept telling the other guys I wanted to dance with them, and they kept refusing. At one point Darrin went off to smoke a cigarette which I was put-out about, so I went and found his closest friend on the dance floor and tried to get him to dance with me. He was not having it, “Where’s D? We gotta go find him. He’s a good man, you don’t want to mess that up. Come on.” Later back at the hotel Darrin pointed me towards his (single) boss and told me to make an impression. So I did, chatting him up until we bumped into the subject of what I was even doing in the hotel, so I told him the truth, and his brows left his forehead when he realized “That’s one of my guys, That’s a good man. Come on, let’s go find him.”
The next night at the ball we waited in line for pictures, and when it was our turn the photographer asked if we were married. We both replied at the same time, “No.” “Are you going to get married?” he asked again we responded as one, “No.” He cocked his head, “Just friends then?” Darrin and I looked at each other, stumped. The photographer was at a loss, “We’ll just say friends.” And he lifted his camera and clicked. After that we went through the receiving line, and halfway through things got mixed up and I was introduced to all the army big wigs as Darrin’s wife. He was too nervous to notice and I grinned like a fool the entire time. Later, after the dinner and ceremony and speeches and awards, I lay on the bed in our hotel room with my soldier kneeling above me. I soaked in every bit of the moment, this handsome man in uniform, totally mine. I asked him about every ribbon on his coat, wanting to know what each medal was for. He asked me what I thought of all that pomp and circumstance. He was surprised when I said that I liked it. “It’s nice to be a part of something bigger than yourself.” I told him. And he was quiet as he considered this.
In November we reprised what was now the “Annual Thanksgiving Day Roadtrip” by driving up the east coast to see his high school best friend in Long Beach, and in December he broke the news that he was getting transferred. He was done recruiting and was going back to his old position in the army. He would be moving four hours away, and we would be breaking up. It seemed the time had come.
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