A Woman's Poem

-Unknown

I shave my legs
I sit down to pee
And I can justify
Any shopping spree

Don't go to a barber
But a beauty salon
I can get a massage
Without a hard-on

I can balance a checkbook
I can pump my own gas
I can talk to my friend
About the size of my ass

My beauty's a masterpiece
And yes it takes long
At least I can admit
To others when I'm wrong

I don't drive in circles
At any cost
And I don't have a problem
Admitting I'm lost

I never forget
An important date
You just gotta deal with it
I'm usually late

I don't watch movies
With lots of gore
Don't need instant replay
To remember the score

I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
And just cause I'm assertive
Don't call me a bitch

Don't say to your friends
Oh yeah, I can get her
In your dreams my dear
I can do better

Flowers are okay
But jewelry’s best
Look at me you idiot
Not at my chest

I don't have a problem
With expressing my feelings
I know when you’re lying
You look at the ceiling

Don't call me a WHORE
A BABE or a CHICK
I am a WOMAN
Get it? You DICK!?!