I did something today, that I've tried to do before...but could never seem to follow through...I'm really feeling this shedding a skin & moving on phase that I'm going through though. I finally told someone who has been annoying me for years that it was time to move on.. I kind of feel a little bad, but I don't even know why. - I don't enjoy talking to him - The subject of his conversation IS ALWAYS THE SAME THING - It's been over 10 years since we last seen each other - The feelings have been gone for about 9 of those years - It's gotten to the point where I actually cringe when I see a message from him & delay writing back, sometimes for days... that's unfair and he doesn't deserve it, so why play this game? -We only talk on facebook - Just because we have history doesn't mean that I have to still keep him in my life - Just because I play a big part in HIS fantasy, doesn't mean I have to keep him in my life - I'm done with the guilt trips that he sets me on when I try to explain that I don't want to talk about that SAME SUBJECT ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
I've always let him keep coming back because of our history, but that's the passive side of me. The assertive side of me ( coming through a lot stronger since I've started healthy communications group therapy!) wrote him a nice note today to tell him that it's time to move on, things will NEVER happen with us again ( I was nice ) and that he's a part of the last chapter of my life, and that chapter is closing and we both need to move on. I will give him a chance to respond than I am going to unfriend him... really we're not friends anyways. Lets just take that mask off.
At one point in my life I really thought I loved him, looking back I definitely did not. He was my first, he'll always be a memory.. but really that's all that I want him as.. and I'm super proud of myself for finally cutting the cord... for real this time. I'm done....and it feels great. My world feels lighter already.
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