Where do you go from here? in Serendipity

  • May 9, 2017, 10:19 a.m.
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  • Public

I’m glad that there is always Prosebox, when I feel as if I cannot talk to anyone about how I am feeling. The dark feelings that you try to hide, so those around you don’t know how truly insane you feel. I feel like I’ve lost all control financially, emotionally, and now physically.

Where do I go from here? I’d say when you’ve hit rock bottom, you can only go up, but I see the potential of things getting worse.

When I look at my bank account, I have to decide.. do I buy Piper, my three year old daughter, food that she enjoys or do I pay my car insurance… if I pay the car insurance, what belonging do I sell to compensate for gas for the week…

James offered to pay all my bills, but that isn’t his responsibility.. it’s not pride that’s stopping me.. I feel like I lost my pride a long time ago.. it’s more so that I’m not his burden to bare. I don’t want to be a burden.... all I feel is a pressure sitting my on chest and the weight of life crushing on my shoulders.

I’m off the Lexapro. I haven’t told my primary that I can’t afford my medications. I’d much rather feed my child than not cry at night.

If I drop the health insurance in June.. it would probably help some.. but what if Piper gets sick? How do people live with these anxieties? Not being able to give a child everything they need?

The medical bills could be worse. They’re up to $15k. I was doing so well with my student loans until that bastard caused me to break my hand. I spent so much money going to the doctor and on surgery. I owe another $2k wth insurance… isn’t that why I pay $400 a month? To not have these bills?

I’m still trying to find a second job. Most places need me to train Monday through Friday, which doesn’t work with my current job. Sigh. Blah. Meh. I’m feeling quite mopey today…

I need to find a new apartment by August 1. Atleast I won’t have to live with my current roommates anymore. It’s awkward knowing that they see my future ex husband a few times a week still.

I’m filing for bankruptcy. Divorced and bankrupt before 30.

American dream.


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