Happy Christmas Eve everyone!
Here for a tiny rant/whinge so please feel free to skip as I feel like these are the only types of entries I write anymore.
The random symptoms I had last week have turned in a cold with a really nasty cough this week, which is fine… I prefer this to not knowing what was up but I feel rubbish and I’m pretty fed up with that. This is my 3rd cold since September and that sucks. I’ve already had far too much time off work this year so I’ve been trying to soldier through this one but I have had no energy to make any kind of effort at all and that’s making me feel pretty poop. Since I had my hair cut I’ve not had the time or the inclination to actually style it properly. Last night I went out for dinner with Drew and Beth and all our partners so I should have made an effort for that but I left it too late to start getting ready and I was only halfway through straightening my hair when Beth arrived to pick us up so I did not look good.
I miss feeling ok about myself, I miss feeling like anyone could realistically find me attractive. I follow a load of BoPo accounts on Instagram and I can objectively see that these people are attractive and that the things they say make sense, I just feel like day to day all the messages are that it’s not ok to look the way I look right now. I’m embarrassed to be myself at the moment and that really sucks.
And I’m not confident that I’m going to be able to do anything about this. I have wanted to change for so long and I’ve only gotten worse. Paul wants me to do Slimming World in the new year but I’d really rather not do like a ‘faddy diet’. I feel like I am too old to be feeling like this. I should have my shit together in at least aspect of my life by now and I really don’t at all.
Anyway, I’m at work at the moment for another 15 mins, hopefully once I’m finished I’ll feel more Christmassy! I’m off for a Nandos with Beth for lunch and then later everyone’s coming to me for enchiladas and slutty brownies (I know I’ve just spent this whole entry complaining about being fat but it’s Christmas?!)
Here’s some photos from last night…. (I’m really not enjoying my hair… Or my face!)
I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas Time!
Xx
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