Stuff... in Random Thoughts

So I’ve been kinda mulling over a couple of notes left by the owner’s dad when he put gas in my work truck, and I’m a bit annoyed. He’s worried about about my truck being dirty and blaming me for the windshield being cracked (says I’m tailgating when he’s never ridden with me). Uh… I have to stay back a good distance cause I can’t stop quick in that truck. Let’s count the issues front to back: Front shocks, front brake shoes (and possibly a bad rotor), squeal from either the water pump or the power steering pump, cracked exhaust headers, ball joints are going bad, vacuum leak in the brake system, heavily cracked windshield, bad drum shoes, basically non existent parking brake, flat rear springs, possibly failed spring bushings, and a dead fuel sender (fuel gauge perpetually reads on empty). But yeah, sure, the bigger issue is that I haven’t washed my truck in months cause it’s either been raining or too cold.
My friendship with S has ended. Permanently this time. I told her earlier this week about what I thought and I why I flipped out the last time I saw her. She completely went off. She opted to go back to grade school and do personal insults, so I just replied with “OK” (except for one point where she opted for a “screw you” and I gave back a “no thanks”). But she made the mistake of giving me a religious lecture, and I mildly lost it. Basically, I told her I was done, she was blocked, and lose my house key. I also went thru and deleted her gate and alarm codes and blocked her calls on my house and cell phones. As soon as I gave her my sarcastic “so thank you for having respect for religious beliefs that differ from yours” I blocked her texts. Thing is, I don’t feel bad about it. She was one of two best friends. I don’t really feel anything about it. I dunno if that’s good or not, but at this point, I’m over all her bullshit and drama.
M actually dropped hints I picked up. It’s friends only. That’s not what I was hoping for. Granted, with my past with her, I’m a bit addicted to her, so my heart wants more than just friends. I’ll live, and I’ll find someone who does want me for more than just a friend. Heeeyyyyyy who knows, I might end up finding out Alyssa isn’t just a face in a dream! LOL!
So it’s Friday now, and I started back on mental meds Monday night. I’m noticing a difference. I was coming home and basically unable to do anything, and not long after that my mind went to a VERY dark place. No, I was never suicidal, but there were times it felt really close. My mind doesn’t go dark now, and I’m slowly feeling less and less drained at the end of the day. The other half of this is I’m now also back on prescription sleep meds. I’ve ALWAYS been a light sleeper. Too light. I’ve always needed it dark and quiet, and I’ve always had a hard time falling asleep. I think the only exception is when I lived with BM. I did sleep better when I didn’t sleep alone. But when I first started to get on the right meds for my bipolar, part of it has been something for sleep. I’m not totally back to being able to sleep well, but I’m getting closer. I think the meds are going to need a little tweaking, but at least I’m getting closer to getting better.