Dear Bee
I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while.
No point in excuses, life gets the better of me too often and I need to get my shit together.
I cannot stop listening to a song, and thus, as an ode, it is featured in the title. Which of course makes one think of bicycles.
I haven’t ridden a bicycle since I was wee but a young-ling.
I used to have a bright blue bicycle. It didn’t have tassles, and I am fairly sure it said something like ‘SuperMax’ or ‘BadBoy’ on the side, because there are no gender appropriate blue things for girls. And blue was always my favourite colour.
I remember learning to ride that bike. I’m fairly certain there’s still a scar on my knee from a bad fall or a graze or two or three.
But there was one afternoon, with my whole family watching that we took those training wheels off. And I rode that bike. Down the street, and up the street and in circles on our very small driveway.
I don’t know when I stopped, but I do know I haven’t ridden one since. But hey, apparently I can pick up right where I left off and no one will be any wiser.
And so it is with writing.
Except I really shouldn’t miss Letter Days.
So let’s see if I can keep writing Letters then. Consistency and shit
As you know, a big thing is happening. I mean its THE Thing. But I’m also fully aware that in the future it will be one of the big things in my life. Just one of them. Just A Thing. (God, why can’t I be happy about one thing for the short time it’s worth being happy over?) And that’s okay. But I get to be capital E Excited about it.
I’m going to be studying how to be a Vagina Science Wizard.
And I’m hella excited.
And I know you know. And I cannot express my gratitude to you.
It’s special having a friend over the equator, someone who genuinely cares and gives a shit about you.
Because really the world doesn’t give a damn.
I went to the park with my brother today. We had ice cream. And we had a smoke. And we sat in my car and watched the road beyond the park.
And in all of those speeding cars was someone, or sometwos, and all of them were feeding into the societal grind.
And then being the morbidly morbid people we are, we both kind of looked at each other, and I know we thought the same thing, because the truth is this: if by some horrible twist of fate (touch wood) you died today, all of those cars and all of those someones and sometwos would carry on.
Your life only affects those that you touch. And not many people more.
So yeah, your loved ones would be sad. Probably hella, sad. Definately hella sad. But the rest of the world won’t even notice.
So I guess, here are our choices.
1) feed into the societal expectation and grind
2) run away and be a hermit who won’t feed into the societal expectations
3) accept that it doesn’t matter if you choose 1 or 2, because the world will keep spinning, with or without your cooperation, one way or another
4) live a life without training wheels, loving, learning, glowing and rising, getting up from skinned knees, and bruised hands - loving and touching as many people as you can around you.
I don’t know about you, but I like options 3 and 4. Maybe I’m biased though, I wrote them.
I’m going to be a Vagina Science Wizard. And I’m going to teach women, and share experiences. And you are going to be an amazing Doula-Wizard, and a Wife and one day a Mom, and my Sister-Friend, and we will be on opposite sides of the equator, until one day, we won’t.
And the world will spin, and I’ll be here, if you’ll be here.
I love you always
J
”Riding down, riding down
My hand on your seat
The whole way round
I carry band-aids on me now
For when your soft hands hit the jagged ground
Wheels aren’t even touching the ground
Scared to take them off but they’re so worn down
Promise I won’t push you straight to the dirt
If you promise me you’ll take them off first
Love everything you do
When you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do
I wanna ride my bike with you
Fully undressed, no training wheels left for you
I’ll pull them off for you”
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