Not a good year so far.... in 2017

Well, here is my New Year in a nutshell. I’m pregnant and it was obviously not planned. I was on birth control, a lot of good that did me. I do not want another baby. My son turns 1 on the 21st. I wanted to enjoy him to the fullest through his infant/toddler years with no other distractions. I don’t want to share time or have him feel like he doesn’t get enough attention. That makes me feel horrible because I am not happy in the slightest about this. I keep waking up hoping that I won’t be nauseous and pregnant. I didn’t want to have another baby with him. I already do most of the work and I am already exhausted all the time and now its going to be magnified immensely to the point where I am drained and cannot function with any sanity. He doesn’t get it. Why doesn’t he get it? I’ve told him in the plainest words that I am exhausted, that i feel like I’m doing this alone sometimes, that I need help. I cried on my way home from work today. It was streaming down my face. I was listening to the new In Flames album and I just started crying. I realized how much I don’t want to be pregnant and how unhappy I am. I want to leave. I’m already doing this on my own, proving that I can do this and I will survive. Just as the song says “I don’t have the answers, but I’ll survive”. In this case, we’ll survive.