There are two chairs across the room that are aligned in the same manner, same direction, like identical twins. I just noticed them now, as I put my fingertips on the keyboard. They may be the only things in my life that seem stable right now. It’s somehow comforting to see them, the two chairs, wooden backs, blue cloth fronts, facing the window as if there’s something out there. Maybe there is. Maybe the chairs know more than I do.
That paragraph is the first thing I’ve written in three years that I did not have to structure. Aside from emails, that is, and I write very few. If felt freeing. Perhaps I’ll be able to write here, which I desperately need. I’m such a disaster to get along with lately. I could spare humans, animals, trees, and walls nearby of listening to me if I could write, instead.
My life is heavily structured now, yet feels out of control. I am surviving day to day, in better shape than many, but fighting my own battles. I knew last year would bring major changes, which it did, and this one will, as well. Changes that are hard to handle. Maybe putting one foot in front of the other is the best any of us can do. It is 12 degrees outside and time to build a fire. Right now that is where both of my feet are going.
xxoo, FiM
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