For the OD friends that are here and saw yesterday OD entry, Dude's surgery went ok. He was in surgery for a little over 3hrs. The surgeon came and talked to us when done and said he was loaded with polyps, but they already knew that before the surgery. His surgery was started a little after 10am yesterday and was loading in his vehicle at 3:30ish. He was still a bit "under the influence", and a bit nauseas, but ready to go home. Dad went with me and Isaiah (not yet 4yrs old) had gone with Dude and Dudette. I tell you that Dad ranked just above the not yet 4yr old as far as watching. Not going into it now, just take my word for it.
I downloaded my OD diary. The grief is on the surface and will deepen considerably when it is completely gone. OD has been a lifeline and a lifesaver. The newer diariest don't get it but those of us who have been around from the start know. Yes, we will try hard to stay connected here or elsewhere. Yes, we will still write down our thoughts, feelings, maybe venting, celebrating, etc, but OD was the first place some of us were able to express ourselves, protected from everyone knowing our deepest and sometimes darkest selves. We became family. A close knit family.
Maybe over time PB will give me that security that I need to freely express thoughts and feelings. Time will tell and who really knows how long PB will stay around. I know it is feeling the effects of the DM announcement and is running slower and who knows if there will be other side affects from the ODers coming to PB to try and keep those connections.
My thoughts escape me know as my mind wonders back to all the history that OD maintained. The important dates and the not so important dates. Births, deaths, marriages, divorce, separations and it goes on and on. But I'm ending this entry for now. I will write one more entry in OD, if it allows. Then I will wait until OD is really no more. Then will I grieve for a time in life that meant more to me than I ever imagined when it all started. I know I will cry.
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