Wedding is off, the dress is back at the shop, just the burn of these invitations never sent in 2014

  • Jan. 7, 2014, 5:48 a.m.
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I just finished watching Brave, keeping up with watching more Disney movies, trying to catch up, and the songs in this movie really caught me off guard, especially Learn me Right, the closing song. It’s by Mumford and Sons (duh) but sun by Birdy. that and Broken Crown are maybe my favourite songs by M&S, for a couple of lyrics, especially these.

Though I may speak some tongue of old Or even spit out some holy word I have no strength with which to speak When you sit me down and see I’m weak

So I had done wrong but you put me right My judgement burned in the black of night When I give less than I take

Both are for obvious reasons, I think, and they’re easily a reminder of what happened.

I remember the two previous times we hit a serious rock, or a disagreement. We had changed a lot through these times and couldn’t find anything in common, so we let the other drift away. It was both our fault: we stopped talking, and I stopped sending emails, looking for yours. We came back after several months, trying to bring the pieces back together. Can we come back after what happened? I don’t know. It’s a two-thing. There’s no effort I will put that will be enough if you’ve made your mind already, Ida. We both suffered terrible losses and I think we haven’t even started recovering from them. We still hurt for them, trying to piece ourselves together. Things may get blurred through that recovery as we’re forced to reconsider new things, new pieces. That’s what’s been happening with me at least. After August, I suddenly found myself with no one to trust but you. My family took my dog from me, then they dragged me away from them. I had you. And you once told me I wasn’t spending enough time with you, that I was always out so I didn’t go to as many outings with my friends.

I hit the wall. It’s as simple as that. The consequences are the complicated, hurtful aspects of this wall.

Make 2014 your own. Heal as much as you can, bring yourself back together and I will do the same on my own, change what I dislike, go out, something i haven’t done that much because I wanted to spend more time with you, although it was through a screen. I will pick up drawing since it was on the backrubber for too long - and I will go to the aquarium here in Quebec. I want to do that tomorrow but I might hit the gym instead. Then I will start writing again, for my own, for myself. I haven’t done that in a year, pretty much.

Let’s make 2014 our own. Things may get better like they may get worse. We may drift apart again. Who knows? I’ll always love you. Feeling you drifting is just as hurtful as it had been in the past. But we need changes, we need to grow within ourselves. I’m fully aware of that. I can’t forget you and I never will, but that is my burden. Not yours.


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