At work, I feel like I'm regressing. I've been doing my job for a month shy of six years. I think I'm pretty good at it. Or, I used to think so. Anymore I make stupid mistakes and I can feel myself become less liked by the head of the office, which I think is inevitable, but still not what I'd like.
I think I make stupid mistakes because for 75% of my clients, I'm the project manager. Which means someone else does the work and I check it, then the head actuary reviews it with a fresh set of eyes before it goes to the client. But on the other 25% (and with the exception of one client, I don't really know why they picked that 25% because they aren't any more difficult or require more skill) I am the analyst, which means I do all the work, someone else checks it, and someone after that reviews it. And the analyst role is the one I seem to be getting worse at. Which, really, doesn't make a lot of sense since it's the one I did exclusively for about four years.
I think it's because it takes an entirely different skill set to be a project manager than it does to be an analyst, and I've gotten comfortable with the checking part of the work that I've forgotten some of the things to look out for on the doing side. It's not a good excuse, it's just frustrating. I'm not sure why I'm still doing work at all, honestly, and I think I'd do a really good job as a full time checker, but that call isn't mine to make.
Also, around here, it seems like you have to already be doing a role before you get promoted to it. That is to say, they don't promote you to a checker after you've just started trying it out for a few months. You have to be doing it for...well, for me I've been in this role for a year and a half and I still have the title and pay grade of an analyst. So they get away with paying you less for a position you're already filling. And on the one hand, it does make sense...you can't throw someone into a role like this because it does require some transition, but how long do I have to keep doing this job before someone tells me I'm qualified to actually be doing it? They trust me enough to send things to clients, check a brand spanking new analyst's work (meaning I'm really the one doing all of it and checking it since everything they do is bound to be wrong), and even sign reports, but they can't pay me more for doing it.
And then there's the part of me that doesn't want a promotion. If I get one, it will be in April after our performance reviews. Right now I get my target bonus paid in 24 annual installments. Once I get promoted, that goes away and I'll be eligible for a one-time bonus every March. So even though I'll be making more money, I'll be taking what feels like a pay cut every paycheck in the hopes that the bonus at the end of the year pans out. Right now, there is nothing uncertain about it. Going forward, it will be. And I know in the end I'll make more money, but a one-year bonus doesn't get the bills paid during the rest of the year.
Also I'm getting fed up with some of the people I have to work with. People are important to my job and there's no way around it.
This is all just venting. I'm sure if they actually offered me a promotion, with an office and a parking pass and etc etc etc, my opinion could change. I hope not, though...I hope that if the time ever comes, I have enough courage to really push back on why I think this is a flawed system.
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