Mind in a million places... :/ in My life in a nutshell
- Aug. 3, 2016, 10:55 p.m.
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As I sit here at 10:30 at night in this hot ass bath and type this my mind is going in a million different ways… I have soooo much on my mind and no way to really explain it other than to just let it out…
First of all, about a week ago I had a dream. An extremely strange dream about none other than my ex husband… (first time I’ve thought about him in years) and within 48 hours of that dream I received a message from him. It wasn’t anything big and really wasn’t important… but why would I have a dream and than get a message from him, which by the way was him answering a question from 4 years ago, yes 4 years ago… out of everything he could of said he replies to something from that far back.... but why? That has my mind everywhere all on its own…
Another thing that has my mind everywhere is that I’m still nervous about staying at home. I love to work and I can’t stand being at home so I have no idea what I’m going to do or where I am going to go… I love the idea of being home and being able to cool for him and all that jazz but still I am nervous…
Lastly, I think there is someone I need to distance myself from.. I am developing (I say developing but more like they never left) feelings for a man that is suppose to be just my friend… I love him dearly and can’t bring myself to do it but I need to or my marriage is definitely not going to be salvageable… he’s been a good friend, hell even a great friend for about 12 years… but he’s about 3 years too late with expressing his love for me. He is an amazing man and I don’t want to hurt him but he isn’t worth my marriage.. we basically grew up together.. and it sucks so bad that I have to let him go but he can’t really understand the boundaries and has tried to kiss me on more than one occasion… I’m very much so in love with my husband don’t get me wrong but there is every bit of what ifs running through my head on a daily basis.
I am beyond stressed and frustrated and I have reached a level that I have no idea where the hell I am right now. And I am just looking for guidance… words of wisdom… anything that will help life my spirits and put me in a better mood…
Until next time…
It's Time For Me. ⋅ August 04, 2016
What about finding a part time job? That way you can get out of the house for a couple hours, but still have more time at home. I always say that I wish I could stay at home, but the last time I did that, I went crazy with boredom.
As for the friend thing, it's hard to let someone go, but if you are committed to your marriage and the friendship could cause problems with that, then you have to walk away.
Heart_On_My_Sleeve_27 It's Time For Me. ⋅ August 04, 2016
I am searching for a part time job. I can't find anyone willing to work with the hours me and my husband agreed upon... and that friend is going to have to go.. I can't risk my marriage thank you :)