I have worn makeup for the last two days. I can’t believe that two years ago I wouldn’t have left the house without applying every product under the sun. I wouldn’t have even left my bedroom without it most days, to be honest. In fact, my cure for a cold was to put makeup on. “If I feel like shit on the inside at least I don’t look it.” Now one layer of foundation makes me feel trapped. It’s so cakey and my skin cannot breathe. It’s like I’ve put a bed sheet over my face and it’s suffocating me.
I don’t miss it. I don’t miss having to hide and be pretty. I was so stupid back then. I would never wear pants. I would always wear a skirt with stockings. No matter what the weather. I would walk around being so cold just to look nice. I wouldn’t leave the house wearing sweatpants. Now I have no clothes. I have no money for clothes. I don’t fit my clothes. It really is a problem but it’s one I am not in a rush to fix. I am just happy to be with my child in ripped leggings playing messy games outside. There’s no use in getting done up when I am going to get covered in fur from petting the dog.
I’m ok with my life.
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