It has been years and years since I've kept any sort of diary. I'm not even quite sure what to say anymore other than offer incomplete grocery list and a few lines of confessional poetry.
But if any night is a night to revive old habits tonight would be it. And I have already learned to do so with humor! This is inappropriate, NSFW, and probably a bit too much for a first introduction so proceed bearing that in mind.
Earlier this evening I decided to "cyber." I found a nice picture of myself, subtracted just a few years from my actual age of 22, and asked for people interested in cybering in my profile. Within seconds I had middle aged men lined up around my virtual block asking to put their 9 inch penises in between my tits. The nice ones would even offer me virtual oil for lubrication.
Cybering, just in case you are unaware, is pretty much internet sexting and has been around since the invention of the chatroom. It's mostly dudes. Even the girls are probably dudes. And they are probably lying about their bra size, definitely expanding on their penis sizes, and most likely hiding photos of young folk of the internet.
It is the single most hilarious practice available on the internet aside from looking up reaction gifs of Bill Murray (a cherished past time of mine). If you ever want to just experience all of the worst parts of dating just go in a chatroom. Nobody is going to buy anything for you or flirt with you over whiskey sours or laugh loudly at your literary genius and invite you back to their place for cake vodka, Flannery O'connor, and a 45 minute long cock sucking to god awful dub-step remixes (and yes, my lips went numb and it was also the first time I ever deep throated anything that wasn't going to my belly, just in case you were wondering). In chat rooms you don't get that personal human contact or awkward courting and subsequent drunken sexual interaction. No, when you cyber you get just the god awful horny. The nice ones will try to chat you up first, or compliment you. The men that told me my hair was nice were obviously trying to pretend that the focal point of my photo was an after thought, let me bring up the subject sex. I don't play at that game. Other men, who are actually teenagers, go straight for the meat. I don't play at that game either. And really, I just spend the whole time laughing my ass off. How can anyone take anything seriously when it is surrounded by asterisks?
I get asked if my "pussy is bald," what my bra size is, do I like DP. It's not sexy. It's not fun. It doesn't even get me off.
What does get me off? I don't know. And really, I find that super personal, as strange as that may sound at the end of this. I don't like awkwardness. I don't like dating because it seems to always come with expectation. My favorite sex has always been with friends. It's unexpected and light hearted and after all the oxytocin induced sweetness we can go back to being friends, albeit with a little bit more expectation.
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