It’s Just Not Human! in Adventures From Prison

The Questioner stopped by this weekend, uninvited as usual, while we were hanging out and making a cheesecake. He was very worried about his inability to stop eating.
“You guys are fat,” he said, walking into the cube. “Let me ask you a question.”
We all stop and stare at his rather tactless entry.
“This last hour,” he said. “I ate three cinnamon rolls, two Mountain Dews and two Snickers bars. You guys do stuff like that, right?”
“Um…no,” I said quickly. “I don’t eat like that at all.”
“Really?”
“If I ate like that, I’d be so sick. I like that stuff, but eating in volume like that would kill me.”
“So you don’t eat a whole box of Swiss Rolls at a time?”
“God, no! That lasts me a week.”
“Because you’re a wuss,” my friend Chris adds playfully.
“No, I’m normal. You’re the bottomless pit,” I jab back.
“You’re a terrible fat man,” he retorts.
“I am. I swear everyone thinks that just because I’m huge I eat a lot, but honestly, it’s mostly my metabolism and genetics. My 100 pound wife could out eat me.”
“So what stops you?” The Questioner asked. “Because I ate all of that and could easily do it again.”
I shrug. “No clue. I just don’t have any desire. I eat more than one or two of anything and I get bored of the taste. Same reason I can’t go to a bar and drink the same thing all night long.”
“And you don’t crave more? You don’t search out something else?”
“Not usually. Once I get bored the hunger goes away.”
“Not for me,” the Questioner shakes his head. “In my mind more is better.”
“Then, for you it’s probably mental.”
“How do I stop it?”
“If I knew that, I’d be a billionaire. Your problem is the same as a million other people,” I laughed. “That’s why weight loss is such a huge industry.”
He thinks a minute. “So you don’t eat a bag of Doritos in one sitting?”
“Never in my life.”
“But they are designed to not be boring. Every bite’s different!”
“Not to me.”
“Hmm. You’re like my old cellie.”
“How so?”
“You’re just not human.”
“Excuse me?”
“My old cellie, he read an article that eating three almonds a day is good for your health. So he buys a bag of almonds and only eats three a day.”
“And?”
“It’s just not human! Who eats just three almonds! Not a handful, not a mouthful, just three!! One, two, three! That’s it.” The Questioner rants loudly and passionately. “It’s unnatural.”
And he storms off.
Chris looks at me. “He stopped taking his meds again?”
“I have no idea,” I admit, then go back to crushing vanilla wafers for our crust.