I suppose in the end she finally she got what she always wanted, because she ceased to exist in the early hours of Boxing Day, 2024.
She finally did the one thing nobody really thought she would ever actually do, and had a baby.
A whole real live baby who grew in there for nine surreal blissful months, and who finally shattered the silence of that space between midnight and first light with a perfect furious yell.
He’s still yelling now and it’s been seventeen months, but (although I may be biased) it’s the best yelling ever.
It’s squeals of excitement, as he gives himself a delighted round of applause for stacking his toast slices into a teetering tower at breakfast. It’s screeching laughter when we tickle his round little toddler belly and indignant protest when we won’t let him flush his toys down the toilet. It’s ecstatic exclamations every time he gets to stuff fistfuls of food into his fat little face and overwhelmed shrieks of joy when he spots me, or his dad, or a dog, or a ball, or a really cool leaf.
He has my eyes, but bigger and rounder and better. He has his dad’s face, but smaller and softer and cuter. He’s the best of both of us and he’s very much his own little person now- he sure has a lot of strong views for a guy who doesn’t even have words yet. I just know he’s going to be smart and stubborn and opinionated and amazing.
He’s the best thing in the world, and my life began with his. I am a new and entirely different person and I am so unbelievably lucky to be here, now, experiencing this. I’m slightly softer all over- less bones and more curves- but it’s my heart that is softest. I have never been so consistently, beautifully happy before and it is a revelation. Nothing matters but Us, this family.
I am no longer Waiting For Sunrise, because it’s daylight here, and it is perfect.
I guess it was worth waiting for.
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