I use red lines on a white board to mark progress towards a future that I will never see. To mark steps to the person that I will never be.
I’ve never been the kind of girl that was any good at sticking to things. Keeping my room clean. Attending classes. Sobriety. Loving you. Getting up early to work out. I have the best of intentions, but I get distracted by something else.
This time won’t be any different. I’ve tried before to change, for me, for someone else, for an idea of someone. At the end of the day, it’s the same little me staring back from the world on the other side of the mirror.
But I’ll mark up my white board with red successes and celebrate each victory even knowing the way that this ends. The way that it all falls apart. Not because this time will be different - it won’t be - but because trying and failing is the only thing I know how to do.
After all, I’m not even good at sticking to giving up.
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