Written 10/24/1999
As my first year university project, I tried to find out why people feel they need to tell other people what to do. It was more about people’s comments on the streets but it’s relevant to the people who “love” you, too. (This is going to be pure sociology –Beware). Well, there was this sociologist called Durkheim, who said that organized religion is actually people celebrating their society – they treat some symbol as holy but what they are really feeling is that society is holy, because when society is organized towards one goal it can achieve things that a person can’t achieve alone. Also, the feeling of being a part of a society makes people do things they wouldn’t do alone, so they feel like they’ve had some unnatural experience. So, according to Durkheim, society s sacred to people.
Later, there was another sociologist called Goffman. Goffman said that today, because not everyone is religious, and society isn’t really organized in a community, we see each person as representing a little bit of the sacredness of society, so we see each person as a little bit holy (hence the concept of human rights, civil rights and such). [Sociologist among you – feel free to comment if you think I got this explanation wrong].
Since we see each person as holy, we have invented rituals to honor every person, and in doing so – to show our honor for society. These rituals are called manners, politeness. They are our daily substitute for the big religious gatherings of the past. For instance, when you see a person coming towards you down the street and you step away in order to give him plenty of space to pass without touching you, that is a ritual in honor of society. When you see someone you know and you ask him “how are you” (even if you couldn’t care less) that’s also a ritual in honor of society. The first one is a ritual of avoidance, (the DON’T) sort of like the way you can’t see God, because he’s so holy, and anyone who sees him is supposed to die. The other one is a ritual of deference, like praying every day (the DO). The religion of the modern man is constructed of these two kinds of rituals, through which he shows his respect to other people, and through that to society.
Now to my point (I hope): Goffman showed that the less a person is considered human by society (for instance people in mental institutions), the less of these rituals he gets. And it’s usually the avoidance rituals that go first – like the way chauvinist pigs feel free to touch women, and would really feel weird if a woman just went over and touched them. Like they believe they are too holy to be touched, but that other people aren’t.
Anyway, I think people who make comments on the streets are not carrying out their avoidance rituals. Maybe it’s because they don’t feel like a part of society and want to show that it is not sacred to them (like when punks sit on the streets yelling at people), or because they think the other person is less a part of the sacred society than they are. I think that my grandmother may give me advice because she loves me, but she obviously does not respect me. Maybe she thinks because I’m young, I’m not a real member of society yet. Maybe she thinks that I’m part of her, and will only be a full member of society when she dies. Maybe the people on the street think that because I’m young, short and fat and female, I’m somehow “less”. They probably wouldn’t say the same things to a well dressed businessman.
Does any of this make sense? Do you think it may be true? Please comment.I Want you'r advice!!!!!
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