Back to a time… Where I could be myself. Bangles, flower child skirts, barefeet. I would fancy some Jameson on the rocks as I begin to remind myself of the times where I accepted myself as whole. Before I gave into change and molding myself to meet the expectation of others.
I miss being wild and free.
But with the changes, there was need to sacrifice parts of myself. I chose to have a child, so isn’t turn, I cannot regret anything in the path that lead to her.
My favorite color used to be green. I stopped wearing it because it wasn’t of his taste… How can I love someone who never loved me as a whole?
I love my natural hair color. Brown wavy locked. My hair is currently blonde. I ask every six months or so if I should change it back to brown… But “you’re so much prettier as a blonde…“
There is a lingering fear that if we were to separate, that you would try and take my child from me. I suppose this is my greatest fear. I choose to trust that you won’t, but there is a sinister side to you. I know your depths are true and mean well… But I know it lingers deep inside of you. I hate when it comes alive.
Maybe I can pick up the pieces of my old self… Slowly intergrate the parts that have gone to rest.. Awaken myself inside.
I hope I find myself again someday.
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