It appears as though my girls are extremely resilient and adaptive.
I agree, this is EXTREME. But they act like everything is just hunky dory. The 13 year old tells me she doesn't even want her bed back, that she likes sleeping on the floor and it is much easier to keep the room clean without all of the stuff in it. The 16 year old is happily sitting at the table studying for school and doesn't really seem affected by this at all.
In the meantime, my husband and I are at a loss as to what to do. I haven't even finished getting my house settled from this transition and they are "having a good time" with it.
For now, I am trying to be happy with the fact that my house does not smell (the odor from the girls room and bathroom was infiltrating the rest of the house and making it unbearable to even walk through the front door). My children are clean and wear clean clothes everyday (I monitor their bath time and do their laundry every night so their clothes they wore that day are clean for the next).
I am going to stay the course and hold to my guns. At some point, they are going to want something (freedom, choice, variety.. something).. I HAVE to believe that. Because as much as I WILL live like this for me next 2 and 4 1/2 years, respectively, until they turn 18; I DO NOT want to live like this. It is putting a serious strain on the household, mine and my husbands sanity, and our new family. As it stands, my husband and I are about to celebrate 4 months of marriage. We have been living together for almost 2 years at this point, so it's not quite so new. But neither of us are happy. We talk constantly about the girls and what we can do. He is about ready to emotionally detach from the girls. To resign himself to living in a house that he hates coming home to with people he doesn't want to see or talk to. Needless to say, as a new dad, he feels like a failure. I can hear the depression in his voice when I talk to him on the phone and I can see the desperation in his eyes when we are both here. This is taking a much larger toll on him than it is on anyone in the house.
Over the years I think I have just numbed myself to the fact that I am in this. I gave birth to these two girls an have a responsibility and obligation to them. But having tried everything that I can think of, I have sort of gotten used to the idea that this is just my life. I guess I have it in my head that I'm serving a sentence. Once this is done, I can be free. What a terrible way to feel about your kids and the wonderful institution of motherhood!!!!!!
I am not really sure how to respond to them. I'm not understanding what is going on in their heads. They are not outwardly disrespectful.... They "yes Ma'am" And "No Ma'am". When they are asked to do something they say "absolutely". They don't talk back. They are not argumentative. Everyone tells me what wonderful girls I have and how much they love them.
.......BUT......
They are destructive.. to their own belongings as well as everyone else's in the house. They may say they are going to do something, and even tell me that they have done it when in actuality, they haven't. Hygiene has previously been discussed and is non-existent. They steal from us. They lie to us. They have no pride in themselves whatsoever. Brushing teeth and washing hair is not anywhere on a priority list. It's all about what they want. They are not productive members of this family. In fact they are the biggest disruption to the workings of a house. They do not learn from ANYTHING. They are being punished for the same things they were punished for at age 3.
Within the past year I have taken it upon myself several times to clean their room as I CAN NOT seem to get them to do it. At one time, my husband and I were washing all of the clothes in their room in hopes of eradicating the smell. What we found in their dirty clothes was SHOCKING to say the least. As previously discussed the "time of the month" clothing is disgusting. Blood soaked pants and underwear not washed out (having shown them how to wash out those kinds of things and asking them to tell me if they needed help, I assumed that problem was taken care of.. obviously not). However.. (remember.. we are talking about a 12 year old and a 15 year old at the time) we found feces. It's like they didn't even bother to go to the bathroom to use it.. just right there in their pants was good enough. And then, don't clean up the mess... Just pull them off, ball them up and stuff it in a corner or under the bed or in their dresser drawer with clean clothes.
I swear, my children are not handicapped in any capacity. There is absolutely NO REASON for any of this to be a problem. The best explanation I can come up with is pure laziness and nastiness. They were TAUGHT better. I know they were. I was here to teach them.. but it seems as though they don't know how to learn.
They are not supposed to take food or drinks out of the kitchen (a rule imposed because they REFUSE to clean up their mess and if a mess is made (spilled milk) they leave it without even so much as letting anyone know).. However, constantly, we find food and drinks spilled or stashed in their bedroom (under beds, in the closet, in the dirty clothes hamper). we have found food obviously eaten in the bathroom stuffed under the bathroom cabinet with nasty bloody clothing.. DISHES.. I mean.. Seriously??? I have asked only one thing of them in regards to eating food.. TO EAT AND DRINK IN THE KITCHEN/DINING AREA. That doesn't seem so hard to me. Why do they feel the need to sneak it into a dirty bathroom and eat it like they have never seen food or are likely to be told they can't have any food? I rarely tell them they can't have something that they ask for. And when I do I feel the need to tell them why ... ie: "we will be eating dinner in an hour, it might ruin your dinner". "I am using that cheese to make macaroni and cheese for dinner tomorrow night, would you like something else instead?". I mean, is that ridiculous??? Am I seriously being too hard on them?
Any suggestions, criticism, commiseration, ANYTING would be appreciated. Because, seriously, I am losing my mind, myself, and my husband to this.
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