SHAMING IDIOTS (Part 2) in Adventures From Prison

So shortly after one, Fez walks into the library and up to the counter.
“Hey Gus,” he said with a grin.
Be a good boy. Be a good boy. Be a good boy.
I ignore him, grabbing up a magazine for the guy next to him.
“You all right, Gus?” he asked.
I sigh, knowing that if I answer that question I’ll start shouting. Instead, consciously controlling my tone, I tell him, “I think you need to go back to your unit. If you want a book you need to talk to James at night.”
Go Me.
“Why? What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Just talk to James.” I tell him, “please.”
“Are you angry at me?” Fez asked, truly looking stunned. “Why are you acting like this?”
Be a good boy. Be a goo ah fuck it.
“Maybe because some sleezeball tried to pay my good friend to take a book out of my locker and didn’t think I’d find out.” I said through clenched teeth.
“Oh…that.”
“Yeah, Fez, that.”
“I think there was a misunderstanding,” Fez said.
“How can there be a misunderstanding? The sentence “Can you go to Gus’s locker and get Iron Droid Books 5 & 6 for me is pretty clear.” I roared.
Suddenly the library goes very quiet.
Crap.
“Well, I did say that,” he admitted into the silence. The guy beside him looks at Fez like he’s suddenly been sprayed by a skunk.
“Seriously?” The guys said to Fez, then scoots away.
“Yeah, but.” Fez stammered.
“Dude, there is no but in this situation.” I jump back in. “That sentence is enough for most people to consider you a thief. Just because you are really, really bad at it doesn’t make it any less true. I mean seriously? My good friend who gets first dibs on every book my Mom sends me? That’s just idiotic.”
At this point about a quarter of the library stops pretending not to listen and breaks out laughing.
“You don’t have to be so loud,” Fez said.
“Why? Are you ashamed of what you did or because you royally f**ed it up?” I asked. “You should own up to your actions and mistakes.”
More laughter.
“You brought this on yourself. I tried to get you to walk away,” I continue, quieter.
“I know,” he said, looking at the counter.
“What were you thinking? I’ve had the books for like three months. I may be a librarian, but I can check out books just like you and just like you I can keep them until I’m done. We’re equals. I wouldn’t do that to you, so don’t try to do it to me. For God sakes, the author only puts out a book a year, what are you going to do when you catch up to him? Start harassing his friends?”
“No…maybe,” he said with a laugh. Joking I think.
“Man, you need a new hobby.”
“Probably,” he said.
“Now this is over, right?” I asked.
“Definitely.”
“Good, now grab a seat and think about what a dumbass you’ve been and how lucky you are you tried this shit with someone as reasonable as me. This could have been very bad for you.” I told him.
“Can I get a book?” he asked meekly.
“Not right now. Now is thinking time.”
He sighs and goes and sits down. A new inmate comes up to me shortly after.
“Remind me never to bring in a book late,” he said.
“Late books are just fine,” I smile. “As long as you don’t try to take what’s not yours you can avoid the tar and feathering.”
“Lesson learned.”
That night, James comes over to my cube.
“Did you seriously give Fez a time out?”
“Maybe.”
“I told you to let me deal with it,” he said shaking his head.
“I tried, man, I really did. He was just so…stupid.”
“You know people will talk about this for weeks,” he said with a grin.
“Probably, but I bet we’ll also get a bunch of missing books back because of it.” I laughed.