herez a poem I wrote a while back...It'z pretty detailed, I tried to add more but itz hard kuz there was so much I could write about But basically I tried to break it down. So many small details I still remember tho. I have had a lot of bad experiences but this specific one really fucked me up for a while and played a big part in changing me slightly at such a young age, but that slight turn has turned into a huge change over the years.
I remember his rape eyes and commands. I remember the feeling of his hands.. around my neck as I faded to black. if I listened maybe I had a chance of coming back. On his shirt was a blank snow man. it looked plain and expressionless. I felt pain and regretted this. why did I run away, only to be trapped? I got caught in a real live TRAP. He told me commands and demands and told me his name. How I must respond if he spoke to me. "Rule one: look at the ground during business." "Gotta pee? Here's a bottle piss in this." "You trappin, can't get outta this attic." "Kuz now you are apart of my traffic." Trafficking networking, DISGUSTING. but something told me, my gut instinct.. you better comply if you still want your life. Living through this, or choosing to die. He gave me the options, I thought wise. Let me tell you about this...I fear little attics.. The fear comes back instant, and I become distant. Maybe if you were there with me you could've felt my sweat, felt me shaking.. Felt the fear in my eyes, the unreal nightmare that was coming to life. I was treated like a fuckin dog. My memory has glazed with fog. But I remember everything. From the beginning.. Of that horrific evening. It was so unreal, only seen on TV. how the hell did this happen to me? I was shakin, sweatin, crying. He told me to shut the fuck up! Someone might hear you. If you don't quiet down.. I'll do it for you. As I fell into a dream, I was surprised.. To wake up to the same nightmare as I opened my eyes. He tried to brainwash me. But it wasn't working. Young girls beware, there's creeps that are lurking out there. This is real personal, but it's terrible. I would never want a girl to make a foolish mistake. Like run away, when there are higher stakes.. Than not being able to eat a hot plate. This coward, this predator raped me in his attic. Oral, vaginal, anal. God got me out of that. The Lord had mercy on my soul. I know this, kuz I doubted his existence. When I got in this predicament I had no choice but to pray to him. My last hope, my last wish. As I gripped my necklace cross. I gave it a kiss and prayed to God. SHOW ME YOU EXIST! Let me preach, kuz he did. I escaped out the grasps of a pimp who raped me, held me hostage, and was on his way to put me on the hoe strip. I never had even been touched in my privates. I was only thirteen and wanted to save my virginity for my king. I was stripped of something that was so special to me. But I don't resent anything or anybody. I'm blessed and happy to be alive with a healthy body. Thank you Lord for opening my eyes.
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