Busy Busy.... in Muddling Through As Best I Can
- Sept. 27, 2015, 12:26 a.m.
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- Public
Things have been a little hectic since my last post. Not bad, no real changes, just busy. I did take a new position at work that gives me most weekends and holidays off. I haven’t had a Christmas off with my children since before their mother passed in 2012, and I decided enough was enough. So far I am enjoying it.
We are still on the one week on, one week off schedule with the girls, which I loathe, but I will deal with it until March when the final trial date for custody comes up. I feel confident at that point that my son will win primary custody. In the meantime, we have to deal with Pamala and her, um idiosyncracies. That is the nicest phrasing I can come up with.
We had court again Thursday last on the drunk driver who caused the death of my children. It looks as though he may accept the plea bargain of 35 years offered him. I hope so, I am ready to put some of this incredible nightmare behind me. It is a daily struggle to remain strong for my family while dealing with this mess. If he accepts, under Texas law, he must serve at least 17 1/2 years before he is eligible for parole. Most of the family doesn’t feel that is enough, but I work for the prison system; his life as he knew it will be done. His life as an incarcerated inmate will be hell. He will be deported upon release to Mexico and if he returns to the U.S., it will be a federal crime. Revenge is tempting, but I choose to accept justice. I am working on forgiveness for this young man, but it is very difficult so far. Much prayer is going into this. I can’t live with this anger and hatred for the rest of my life.
The thing that is on my mind is this; the district attorney told me last week that I need to work on my victim’s impact statement wherein I describe how this has affected us all. How do you impart in words the loss of your child? It is to be stated in open court. I can write fairly well, but my oration skills are lacking (think of Jethro on the Beverly Hillbillies…that is my southern accent). I would like to be able to say something to impact this young man also and perhaps influence him to spend his time in prison bettering himself, but I am not allowed to speak to him directly, only the open court. I don’t know. I keep hoping something will come to me. Basically, if he accepts the plea, he will be at least 40 before he tastes freedom again, and then he will be deported to a third world country. What could I possibly say that will give this young man something to strive for? I know many would ask why I care. The simple answer is that I need, NEED to make something positive come from all of this. If no one finds any benefit, even the man who killed my son and daughter in law, then what was it all for; what did it mean? I feel like my sanity rests on this answer. I know everyone here doesn’t share my beliefs, but I feel as though there is something for me to accomplish from all this heartache. I need to do something to help make someone’s life better for all this, but I don’t even know where to start. If I can do this, then Bradley’s death, and Shea’s, served some purpose and I can live with that until I see them again. It must sound ridiculous to some of you, and that’s okay. I just keep my eyes open and pray for guidance. I feel sure that God will point me in the right direction when it’s time.
Hope I didn’t come off like a grieving lunatic, that’s not my intent. I just sometimes find it helps to put things into print to allow me to focus later when I re-read my posts.
I have work tomorrow, so I guess I’ll go for now. Have a safe weekend, wherever you are.
I need tea. ⋅ September 27, 2015
Xxxxxxx