Catie got engaged !!! Very happy for her; I know she’s had it rough in relationships. I met her boyfriend once at her sister’s wedding in July and he didn’t even talk to me, but from what Mel says he’s the best Catie has had and he genuinely seems to care about her and is more stable life-wise than her previous boyfriends.
That being said, I hate the fact that my happiness for her is tempered by that pang of jealousy. No idea when and if Cori will be able to afford a ring. Not even looking to get engaged anytime soon, logically, even though we’ve been together for about 2 1/2 years. I know things shouldn’t be rushed. But now I kind of understand what it feels like when people years younger than yourself seem to somehow have their shit together better than you do (ok, well, Catie’s actually a year older than I am but I’m talking of other things).
Like Melanie and Seth getting married in July. And Heather and Chase expecting their first baby around Christmas. One of my managers at work, who is a couple years younger than I am, just got married on the 6th and she and her now-husband already have a 4-year-old daughter together. And other people I graduated with that are married and have kids already in 1st and 2nd grade ! Cori and I went to a brand new Kroger nearby (apparently the second largest Kroger in the nation behind the one I used to go to when I was temporarily living with Catie last year) and they were holding a raffle for a pair of diamond earrings from Fred Meyer Jewelers (the in-store jeweler ? I don’t know). We also got a (rather silly) coupon after checking out about engagement rings at 70% off. Which of course sounds suspicious but hell if I know much about rings. And then I also think of the rings that belonged to my grandmother that I have… one is a diamond engagement ring and wedding band set in platinum and the other is a separate diamond ring (stories with this, which I will spare you). I keep meaning to ask the jeweler next to Sephora how they go about resetting a diamond or resizing a ring and how much to expect to pay based on the particular ring and I always forget. I’m sure it would still be expensive. Besides that, mom has warned me of untrustworthy jewelers who will steal your diamond and replace it with a lesser-quality one.
Point is, the day Cori ever gets me a ring–whether it’s brand new or some form of the ones I have from my grandmother–seems so damn far off it’s almost not even in my mind anymore. It’s not even a commitment thing, which is what I’m always afraid people will think. I mean, to many, Cori and I are doing something we shouldn’t be doing–which is living together before engagement or marriage. Granted, our situation was a bit complicated anyway, but I can’t help but wonder if we’re just too responsible or what. Surely not all these couples have the money to drop a couple grand on a ring and several grand on a wedding ? So I keep thinking, why does it seem like more a dream to me now than ever ?
I should be patient and let things happen naturally. Hard to feel that way, though. And really, things wouldn’t be much different between us. I guess it might feel more official in the grand sense of things, and we’re also practically married already. It’s just that constant feeling that we both were dealt really crappy hands in life and we are only just now at points in our lives (and really, it’s mostly him) where we’re making headway. That being said, we would still be screwed if dad wasn’t helping us financially.
So yeah. Wah wah wah. I know. It really shouldn’t be a big deal at all. But I can’t help but be reminded all the time of something that I really wish would happen for me and probably won’t.
~Rachel
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