As I’ve written about before, my husband has struggled with his gender identity for quite some time now. And as someone who has gone through my own struggles with this, I can completely relate to how he is feeling. Nearly a year ago now, after spending some time identifying as female, he decided he wanted instead to identify as a gay man who liked to dress in women’s clothes.
Because he is sexually active with Liz, I figured it was more likely that he is bisexual, but I have left his identity up to him to decide.
At his request, we have used male pronouns for him and spoke about his as male even while he frequently presented as female. I sometimes struggled with a desire to address him as a woman because he would be wearing a dress and make up and acting feminine, but he had clearly said he wanted to be seen as a gay male and we respected that.
He has been seeing a therapist about his identity for quite some time now, and around the point that Liz and I got married, he mentioned that he was feeling a lot more fluidity in his gender and would be OK with male or female pronouns. He said he felt uncomfortable with the word “husband.” I asked if he wanted me to use the term “spouse” or “partner” or even “wife” and he said he was fine with any of those.
I told him his identity was up to him, but that I would really be happy to start using female pronouns for him again, and referring to him as my wife. He agreed with that.
I’ve used male pronouns in this entry up until now to avoid confusion, but starting in this paragraph I will speak of her as female. I know it can get complicated, but I will continue to refer to Liz by her name, and to my wife as my wife, just to keep the two of them distinct, even though they are both really my wives.
Loading comments...