i was showing my husband the baby clothes my mom bought for the baby and it just hit me that in a few months, theres going to be a baby in those clothes.
we are seriously having a baby.
im 20 weeks pregnant, so its not NEWS, but reality is setting in. hes moving around a lot more and im talking to him more and dann is getting more involved with touching my stomach and talking to him…its just crazy.
i really need to get a jump on our baby registry. and my photo books for my wedding albums…thats another story. anyway…im starting to get that real nesting feeling. my apartment has been a mess since i went away last weekend and had a busy week this week. have not had time to get anything done. not even groceries! but i really am getting the nesting bug. i want to get things ready for the baby…before i know it, the baby shower is going to be here and then the baby will be here. sigh its all overwhelming and scary and exciting.
im so excited to have him here and listen to his little baby sounds. i love baby sounds, when theyre just lying in the crib and making those coos and breathing noises…and then im terrified about him being here and not being able to calm him down or if he gets sick or maybe i end up having a tough delivery and hes all bruised and eats his poop like i did (yeah i was a total mess when i was born…my newborn pictures are not cute and i was on medication for my eyes and my insides because i inhaled, ate and got poop in my eyes). im afraid about having a C-section or getting an epidural or having a natural birth (none of them seem like a great option, honestly). im excited to see his face and hold him and learn how to breast feed and raise him. im scared he’ll be defiant or too shy or i dont even know what else…its a very overwhelming experience.
i think nesting will help. i think talking to my friend who should be having her baby any day will help. i think talking to my friends with kids already will help. ive just been working so much i havent been able to talk to anyone or really do anything. im going to ask my mother in law to go to babies r us and buy buy baby with me to set up my registries on sunday (i have the whole day off!!). itll help knowing that these things are on the way. we need to sit and talk more with my father in law about the house too. i dont know how we’re going to have this kid here in this apartment…we might make it to june, but who knows.
alright, i really need to get to sleep, if i can. im exhausted, but too much on my mind.
later.
~mana~
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