MORON FIGHT!!! in Adventures From Prison

A few weeks ago, I opened up the library as usual. The crowd was mellow as everyone read papers and magazines while waiting for their work calls. I was sipping on my coffee and eating dry Crunch berry cereal when one of my friends bounced in with a grin on his face.
“I am going to make your day,” he said eagerly.
“Okay,” I said, “Give it a try.”
“Last night both Toe-Finger and Wheelchair Jimmy were taken to the SHU!”
Now I know that I’ve written about Toe-Finger over the last few years but to spare you from hours of searching my entries I’ll summarize him quickly. Toe-Finger is a 6 ft 5 inch, red-haired hillbilly that is missing one hand. For some reason there was a surgeon who felt that this one-handed, in-bred’s life would be improved if they removed his middle toe and reattached it to his stump. The guy has no control over it; it just sticks up and wobbles from the side of his stump.
He has the IQ of about his age and enjoys romance novels and little children in very unhealthy amounts, like a frat boy enjoys pizza and beer. At first I felt bad for him, then after dozens of encounters I realized that he does know right from wrong and just doesn’t care.
Wheelchair Jimmy I haven’t mentioned before. He’s a fat, angry man in a wheelchair who is just sleazy. Given a choice between being trapped in a room with him or Toe-Finger, I’d pick Toe-Finger. Jimmy shares most of Toe-Finger’s proclivities and until the moment, they were bosom buddies.
“What happened?”
“Toe-Finger punched the hell out of him.”
“No freaking way,” I said.
“Really, no one knows why but one second they are talking and the next Toe-Finger is holding Jimmy’s hair with his hand and punching him in the face with his stump.”
I laughed, “So is that really a punch or is it more technically a kick?”
“I don’t know,” my friend said, then doubled over laughing.
I swear I never, in my wildest, drunkest dreams ever thought I’d be stuck in a place where Toe-Fingered child molesters beat up creepy old men in wheelchairs. It’s like something out of a Chuck Palahniuk novel. Neither of them were nice people nor were either badly hurt, so I have no qualms about laughing my ass off at the image I have of Jimmy getting smacked over and over with that weird toe adorned stump.
This is not the first fight for either of them, so I really hope that neither returns to the compound, but if they do it is going to be so hard to look at them with a straight face ever again.
Both of them were frequent library visitors so the news for us really was great. Whenever either came in we inevitably spent nearly an hour trying to locate their books. I’ve never met pickier people when it comes to Romance novels. To me they all seem to have the same plot so are there really that many options? I asked Toe-Finger once and he said it’s all about the sex.
“If it ain’t raunchy, I don’t want it,” he said proudly.
One of these days I will learn not to ask questions I don’t want answers to.