I am feeling a little better today. I think my mind is starting to come to terms with all that has taken place over the years. I am starting to see the entire picture and the time line of how all of this got to where it is today.
I knew at the beginning of all of this that he had crossed the line. Years ago we had gone to a trade show and when I returned to work on Monday he tried to reprimand me for going out with a guy. That didn’t go over too well with me and I said a few words as I walked out the door. I ended up going back to work as I had children living at home and really needed the job. I felt like I had no other choice. I told him he had crossed the line and I could sue him for such behavior and I hoped he understood. I even contacted our paycheck specialist who was acting as our external HR dept and let him know what happen. We ended up scheduling a sexual harassment class a month later hoping he would understand.
I think what made it so confusing was that he was always trying to keep me happy when it came to making money. Every time he thought I was going to leave he would give me more money and tell me what a great job I was doing for the company. He mentioned me becoming a partner in the company and I felt like I was now working for my future as I was looking for financial security and he knew that.
As I look back on the path that lead me to today, I realize it was all a game he was playing just to get what he always wanted. He had 3 failed companies prior to this one. I remember him telling me on a trip to Nashville for a trade show how blessed he was to have found me. He and the kids were trying to figure out where he was going to live and it was decided he would go live with his oldest daughter.
He use to talk about his one attorney friend to me when he would start bringing up marriage and me becoming partner. His attorney friend had a young wife. I use to look at him like are you really saying this to me. I think in his twisted mind somewhere he wanted a successful company and a young wife. It didn’t matter what he had to do to get it. The twisted part of it all is we were never and would never ever be in a relationship. I wasn’t interested in him. I was there to build my future and have some security for the future and he knew that.
Part of me feels so stupid for ever believing anything that came out of his mouth. How does a woman let herself be so stupid and believe the stories she was told? When I would question him about our agreements and tell him I wanted things in writing he would always say, you don’t trust anyone do you? No, I really don’t. I have been screwed in my life before and I wasn’t going to be screwed again.
In the end I think I devastated because I feel like I got screwed again. I kept trying to push for everything to be in writing, but what was I to do when things were being held off and I was making good money. I think at that point I kept justifying it all in my mind saying just keep putting your money into your savings and deal with the bullshit for as long as you can. But then came the point that I couldn’t deal with it anymore. We had a legal agreement sitting on my attorney’s desk and he threatened to sell the company. Part of the agreement was I had first rights to buy the company. This was the moment I couldn’t take it anymore. I was already pretty shaken up from the marriage proposal on April 12th to get 100% of the company. He was trying to give me more than 1/2 the company for marriage now. He promised nightly massages, to cook for me all the time and wanted me to go away with him to see if we could live together. I was having panic attacks going to work on Monday and I was finally on the edge of quitting.
I sent him an email to tell him I couldn’t do this anymore. I didn’t want any of this from him and it was so unfair that he was playing me this way. It is funny what people will try to buy because they think money can buy it. To buy a marriage? and the worse part is to think that he thought he could buy me. I have too much self respect to marry someone for money. I would never compromise who I am or what I am about to own a company. I already felt like I was losing my soul and who I was by dealing with his games for so long. Marriage was never an option and he knew that. I stayed for so long for many reasons, one being my daughter worked there and I knew this would affect her job and she had my grandson to take care of. I also knew the I was an important part of that company and this would affect the employees there.....my income would be gone and then what was I going to do for my future?
Now that I am away from all of it and have had a chance to process all of the stresses over the years and the attacks that followed me leaving, I am realizing just how happy I am to never have to listen to another one of his manipulating marriage proposals. I never have to listen to all of the bs that comes out of his mouth. The guy thinks he made it in the world because he now has a successful company, but that sad part is he is going to die alone because he has no respect for a woman and thinks they can be bought.
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