I went to see that sexual harassment counselor today. We passed back and forth information. I was telling her about what was going on and what happen.
I’ve been really thinking about all of this, but what is new these days. I came home today and decided to do a cutting the cord meditation. The cords that are left inside of me as far as the company and as far as the owner are being cut. I can’t keep going around and around in my head with all of this.
I do deserve to stick up for myself and I do deserve to get all of this healed inside of me. I can’t keep doing this damage to myself because I couldn’t deal with his marriage proposals and broken promises any longer. I did nothing wrong. The only thing I did was walked away from my job because it was causing me too much emotional harm. That is the only thing I did. There is nothing wrong with that. I had the right to walk away. I had the right years ago, but kept staying for lots of different reasons. But now I am gone and I need to get back to how I felt the day I left. The day I left I felt total relief walking out the door. I felt like the games were finally over. It wasn’t until they started with my daughter that everything got screwed up inside of me. That is when all of the emotions began to come into play. But prior to that, I was good.
I think I got lost after that. The guilt of my daughter losing her job, the guilt of walking away from the company I helped to grow to a success, and the guilt of leaving some of my friends behind. It was hard when I felt like my friends had turned their backs on me. I know they all had to sign legal agreements not to speak about the company to anyone and that in turn meant me.
But I honestly feel that completing those papers and having them head to the mail has given me a new form of freedom. I am going to continue to keep breaking the cords that need to be broken. These cords no longer serve me for any reason what so ever. He showed me his true lying colors in the unemployment hearing............but then again he has been showing them for years. I bit......I bit for a long time thinking I would one day own this company. I am not longer biting and I am taking my energy back. It needs to be taken back. I can’t play this guilt ridden victim any longer inside of myself. I know I did nothing wrong, so I have nothing to feel guilty about. I quit my job! So what! If that is the worse thing I ever do in life then I am doing pretty darn well.
It is time to free myself and let the cards fall where they fall. I filed the papers, I have an attorney and now it is out of my hands. Time for me to start enjoying life once again and not being consumed by the ins and outs of all the bs that has taken place over the years.
I need to be free!!!!
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