3 months ago I became a parent. I thought I knew what that meant. I’ve worked with kids all of my adult life and so many of our friends were parents–I’d watched them go through it so I was ready, right?
No. Because there’s so many things society, your friends, life doesn’t tell you about becoming a parent. Not because they mean to keep it from you, I think it’s just because until you experience it yourself there are no words for it. But I’m going to try anyways–even though I know it won’t come close to justifying the feeling. Because it can’t be justified.
They don’t tell you....the panic.
It starts the moment you find out your pregnant. It can be consuming if you let it but even keeping it at bay, it’s always there. When your pregnant your constantly feeling for movement, flutters, anything to let you know they are growing and your doing everything okay. When they are born you are constantly worried about everything that could possibly go wrong, something your doing to inadvertently screw them up for life, the invisible germ you can’t protect them from, the bully down the road that will hurt your child. Today my child is going through his first fever and the panic I am fighting down is overpowering and nothing I’ve ever felt before.
They don’t tell you…the tiredness.
I didn’t know it was possible to be tired for 3 straight months…but it is. I also didn’t know how amazing a 3 hour stretch of sleep could feel. I used to say “I only slept 3 hours! I’m so tired!” but now I say “I slept 3 whole hours! I feel so refreshed!” Game changer, man. And sleeping in? It used to be 9:30-10:00 am. Now if I get to sleep past 7 am I’m dancing. They DO tell you these things but until you actually experience them, I think it’s just a “noise”. After all , you think, my child will probably be a good sleeper. We won’t go through that. Yup, you will.
Most importantly though…through the panic and tiredness…they don’t tell you the love.
Oh my gosh, how I love this little person so much. I don’t think I knew how intensely and how fiercely I could love a person until I knew him. Nothing else matters at times. Lack of sleep? Oh well. Haven’t eaten a warm meal in months? Whatever. The love is so....yup. no words for it. I can’t even come up with one that comes close.
They don’t tell you.
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