It’s been a long time since I’ve written exclusively about my spirituality, and I think a big part of that has been not knowing where/how to start. So here I am, on Monday morning, trying to figure out where to begin.
When I had to take down The Temple, I felt a large chunk of my spiritual motivation go along with it. That, paired with separating from the coven and the HUGE emotional circumstances leading up to/following thereafter made it incredibly difficult to stay grounded at all. I did my best to keep reading my books, stay positive, and remember that the Earth is mother, and I am part of the Earth, so I am Her. It’s been hard, and I truly haven’t been as devoted as I’d like, but I know I haven’t entirely let go, either.
I think a part of me is scared. For the past 2 years I’ve worked with a Coven and while it had it’s ups and downs, it was the group atmosphere that I was so sure I needed. After choosing to leave, taking a break, and putting a lot of thought into it, I know that at least for me, right now, a group setting is the last possible thing for me. I know that I need to actively practice solitary, in a healthy way, to get myself grounded again. The prospect is so incredibly exciting but I’m terrified and I don’t know why.
I’ve made a promise to myself that I’m going to perform a full moon ritual tonight. It starts tomorrow afternoon, so tonight will be the best time for me to do it.
So far, all I have planned is a cleansing of all of my tools, a re-dedication to all of my tarot/oracle/spell decks, and a cleansing for myself. I need to wash away all of the doubt and the sadness and the regret and remorse from the last few months. I need to let go.
I think I’m going to leave a bottle of rain water out while I’m at work tonight. Let it fill up throughout the day and at the end of my ritual tonight, step into my back yard and pour it over myself. It wont be until after midnight so I wont have to worry about anyone bothering me.
The Gemini-Sagittarius polarity is a mental axis, where Gemini represents the “lower mind” and Sagittarius represents the “higher mind”. The Gemini Sun encourages us to think logically, while the Sagittarius Moon persuades us to intuit, and to think in a broader manner. Sagittarius symbolizes the quest for meaning and ideas that expand upon the “here and now”. Gemini is quite comfortable in his or her immediate environment or neighborhood, while Sagittarius stimulates us to venture beyond it. Neglecting either end of the axis will surely backfire on us. Ideally, a balance should be found between the two energies, and this is what the Full Moon invites us to do. This Full Moon is about communication, attitude, and our sense of adventure. Something has been building inside of us, and now is the time when the energy of the cosmos fairly demands that we let it out. Over the next two weeks, we will discover what this means for us. For now, we can’t sit on our feelings. We need to express them.
The Full Moon illuminates this conflict between logic and intuition/faith. With the Moon full and bright in the sky, symbolic “illumination” occurs in our own lives. However, these new feelings and revelations are emotional ones, as there is a sense of emotions bursting forth into our consciousness. It’s time to express ourselves, and to let things out of our systems. Of course, we might want to exercise some care while doing so, knowing that what is coming out of us is fresh, unrefined, and not particularly rational as yet.
This Full Moon squares Neptune, and revelations now might lead to a detour from our goals. We should watch for misinformation. This is a time for opening ourselves up to possibilities, but finalizing plans should probably be saved for a later date. The Sun is right on the midpoint of retrograde Mercury and Mars, and forms a conjunction with both, pointing to a real desire to understand or master a situation, but the square to Neptune points to a possible block or to incomplete information or lack of readiness. Watch for too-quick decisions, but do pay close attention to what’s illuminated now.
Edit: And here’s a bit about how Mercury Retrograde in Gemini is making this full moon even more appropriate for me:
With Mercury retrograde in Gemini: We might look at past decisions and ideas from a new, possibly enlightened perspective. Retrograde Mercury aligns with the Sun on the 30th in the sign of Gemini, bringing illumination to our thoughts. It’s a favorable time for processing recent events and ideas, and for beginning to look at problems or issues from a new perspective and with a new understanding. Significant new ideas can be birthed at this time.
I’m prepared for tonight to get pretty intense, and I plan on spending a decent amount of time in meditation. I’m going to move my altar back into the temple just for tonight (for spacial reasons) and close the door behind me. Once I’ve finished, I am going to do a sage, cedar, and sweet grass cleanse of the entire house.
I’m both terrified and extremely excited about this. It also hit me last week that this is going to be the first Litha in 3 years that I’ve practiced Solitary. Chelsey and I are going to Salem. I decided that despite everything that has happened, that beach will always be what Litha is for me. It’s freedom and peace and renewal and rejuvenation and even if I have to do it alone, it will still be all of those things for me. Chelsey has even offered to help me, if I want. I think this year, though, it’s important that it’s just me. Wow, I’m getting a lot more emotional about this than I thought I would. It’s important because of where I am in my life, and where my life has led me thus far. Litha is going to be beautiful, if only because I will be honoring the God in his full aspect, and represent the pregnant Mother as Her. It will be magical and inspiring, and I’ll have the ocean and the sand and the rocks and the world as my witness.
I’m ready.
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