there are times when you have to take stock of what you have, what you don’t, and what is really important.
this happened today.
i had some moments of lunacy. a while back rachel said she was jealous of another coworker of ours, sarah. apparently, they say sarah is interested in me. not feeling it though.
however, rachel texted me a while back something about being jealous…about a month after she said she was back seeing her baby’s dad.
flash forward a little…i may have been drunk…but i told her that it hurt…both parts (via text). i said something about it being hard to have unrequited feelings, to which she replied that they weren’t unrequited and that she told him about me and that she was going to continue to date other people.
a little while later, i asked her what she was doing on may 15, last night. she said she had it open, so i asked her to do something. my idea was to go to the stroll and savor in long beach. basically this area of shops/restaurants sells tapas type food and you buy tickets beforehand where each item costs a certain amount of tickets. apparently the lady who would have babysat was getting ready for an even the next day (today) so she wasn’t able to. yesterday she asked if we could do dinner at her house since the kids weren’t fully healthy. sure i said (dumbass).
so i went over there last night. watched the boy play with some friends from the complex. ordered dinner in. the kids went to bed about 10:30. afterwards we watched ink masters on netflix for two episodes, after which i left since i was about to fall asleep.
and this has run it’s course. not because i don’t have feelings. and not that she might doesn’t either. but she is still seeing (i know) and in love with (i believe) the baby’s dad. so there’s nothing but pain here. regardless. talking about it today made it sounds more real than just thinking before.
last weekend i had gone this pacific islander festival and bought some pins. i bought 3 for myself, one for another coworker (dodgers related), and one for her since it said “made in somoa.” and of course she posted a picture of it on fb with the caption “it’s the small stuff that matters…“
i just can’t do this anymore. next year we mostly likely won’t be working together, so that’s a bonus. out of sight, out of mind.
it’s bittersweet, but there’s a point at which the heart has to catch up with the brain. a slow but steady process.
Loading comments...