Liz asked me the other day if I still wanted our wedding this summer to just be about the two of us. I was kind of offended by the question at first. This wedding has always been just about me and her since we started planning it nearly six months ago. I’m already legally married to my husband. I wanted this wedding to be a public display of the fact that I also have a marriage-like commitment to Liz.
But Liz reminded me that our relationship really has become a three-person relationship. It’s not just Liz and me, and it’s not just my husband and me, it’s all of us. We all love each other and are committed to each other. When things first started getting serious with Liz, that was only a fantasy, and I never thought it would actually happen. But here we are in a real genuine three way relationship.
It’s still not an equal triangle. Liz is my primary partner and my husband is secondary. Although we’re all sexually active with each other, I share a bed every night with Liz and my husband sleeps alone. And that really is why I told Liz that I want the wedding to be about her and me. My husband can play a role, but I don’t want this to be a commitment to an equal relationship. These thing are never equal.
I should be clear, I love them both equally, that is definitely true. But we can’t make everything else equal. It’s too complicated. All I want right now is to officially (though unfortunately not legally) make Liz my wife. I want to be able to say I have a husband and a wife and I love them both.
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