I’m in bed right now and writing on a mobile, so this may not be a long entry.
We left to go back home to Virginia on Monday the 16th and came back Sunday the 21st. Could not have asked for better weather–driving days were sunny and not too cold and even while we were there the weather was decent, just rain on Friday.
Evie of course had her surgery a couple weeks ago, so she was in one of those Elizabethan collars and had stitches in her eye from where they removed it and replaced it with a prosthetic. But on Tuesday she had her stitches removed and honestly, despite her being a little less observant, you would never tell she has one eye. All the same, except for Friday, Cori and I walked Evie every day for about an hour each walk. Cori even took her jogging on Saturday in addition to us walking. It really felt so much easier to go on a walk with her than by myself here in Cinci. Makes me miss her even more. She was absolutely beside herself when we got in on Monday–she’s normally a very quiet dog but as soon as she saw me, she was crying and barking and shaking her butt and just going nuts. Glad that she still loves me :)
On Saturday after the last walk we took Evie on, Cori and I sat on the porch and talked. We are coming up in about a month on our 2-year anniversary and I was talking to him about marriage. I want to marry him, he wants to marry me. I don’t see myself as the type of girl that needs a ring, but I think I projected some of my jealousy onto him. When my brother was my age, he had already proposed to Katie and he got married a month before he turned 28. I turn 28 on May 26th. Cori will be 30 on June 16th. My SIL is about a year older than my brother, so she was 29 when they got married.
I don’t really care for labels, but I do get the sense that people don’t take you seriously as a couple if you’re just boyfriend/girlfriend. I got into a conversation at Sephora with Nicole about how she was a virgin and didn’t move in with her man until they were married (I know this sounds like TMI but trust me that the context was appropriate). This area is definitely way more conservative than DC. I obviously had some difficulty with apartments when it was disclosed that he was my boyfriend and not fiancé/husband. People ask me why I came to Cincinnati and when I say “my boyfriend is a grad student at UC” I’ll hurriedly add “we’ve been together for years.”
Not that it really matters what other people think, but Cori and I have been friends for about 8-9 years and a couple for 2 of those years. We’ve been living together now for almost 9 months and the initial excitement has worn off and we still get along great and love each other and respect each other. He is busy and I’m busy but we make time for each other and help each other and split chores when we can and talk about our future together.
So here’s what I said… I know I shouldn’t compare myself to other people, and God knows I never thought in a million years I would even ever find someone I would want to marry, but it upsets me. Cori wants to be financially self-sufficient and working full-time before he marries me. He wants to get me a decent ring. He wants to finish grad school. He was even talking about finishing school and then working for two years and THEN asking me to marry him (I am combining several statements into one). That means he will be 33 and I will be 31. I have no problem with actual age but that seems so long from now. And we can still get married then, but I don’t see why we can’t be engaged before that. I told him the “3 months’ salary” thing is bullshit and that he can go into Kay Jewelers and find a nice white gold engagement ring with a decent diamond (perhaps not flawless or totally clear, but enough so that the naked eye can’t tell) for less than one month’s rent. The only negative is that–God forbid–there are ladies out there with the same ring or that mine won’t be as big as other’s. And I don’t care about that sort of stuff.
But it just upsets me that here we are, basically 28 and 30 years old and having been a couple for 2 years and yet we still have obstacles in our way. And yet people younger than I am, sometimes much younger, can afford rings and marriages and kids. Heather got married in 2009, Kevin in 2010, Anne in 2011 (Heather and Kevin are a couple months older than I am; Anne is one year younger). Catie’s younger sister (3 years younger than I) Melanie got engaged in August and married after Thanksgiving. Granted I know others who aren’t–Catie is a year and a couple weeks older than I am but she readily admitted she only started dating in 2013 and has high standards. Amanda is basically asexual and has absolutely no interest in dating or men (I think the last time she went on a date was 2006 and she has turned down dates since).
The difference here is that I want to be engaged. I didn’t really think about it until February. I was content, but now I just… want it to be official, you know ? For me and for us. I don’t question his loyalty to me or his desire to marry me, but it upsets me to think he won’t even propose until maybe 2016 or even 2018. And it’s not even a fear of commitment… He has already proven his commitment to me over and over again. It’s just his desire to be that provider he wants to be; his need to be able to take care of me (because he wants to) and he can’t do that right now, so he feels he has no right in proposing to me.
Wow, this is way longer than I intended. All in all… That conversation ended in me starting to cry because I miss my mom and dad and my home so much. So then he brought me inside and said I should hug my mom. She was on the couch and I curled up on her like a baby. I’m 27.
She cried, too. I don’t regret my decision to move to be with Cori, but after he is done with college I want to be within 3-4 hours’ drive of my parents and Evie… wherever that may put us. I don’t know what Cori would have to do about being licensed in a state other than Ohio but… Cincinnati is okay. I don’t dislike it. But I don’t want to stay here.
~Rachel
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