This week has been fairly uneventful. I didn’t really do much at the beginning of the week as I had cystitis (again!) and was on antibiotics and feeling a bit sorry for myself. On Wednesday I managed to get some cleaning and tidying done around the flat whilst Africa chilled out looking all long!
I was back to work on Thursday after time off sick, which I really couldn’t afford. Because I’ve been off sick too much this year I don’t get paid for time off sick anymore. Luckily I had done enough overtime before to cover the amount that I won’t get paid but it is frustrating because that money was supposed to be going towards Christmas presents/getting out of my overdraft and now it’ll just go towards my general stuff. It’s hard because after all my direct debits for things like my mortgage and bills have come out I have about £200 for food and petrol and I really should be saving towards the big payments that I have to make throughout the year like my maintenance and ground rent charge and my car tax. So I should really be sticking to a strict budget but I end up not really paying attention to what I’m spending and burying my head in the sand until I gather the courage to look at my online banking and I realise that I’m already overdrawn over a week before I’m next due to be paid. It’s not like I’m being overly extravagant but really I can’t afford to go out for meals AT ALL or to ‘treat’ myself to any new clothes AT ALL. I think the fact that even if I’m really restrictive I’m still going to struggle makes me kind of go into denial a bit which obviously isn’t great. I really need to get my head in the right place. If I do cut out all my unnecessary spending, sell some stuff on ebay and do overtime when it’s available then I should be able to get out of my overdraft and start to save a little bit. I do have people that I could ask for help, I know that my dad would help me out and Paul would help me if I were really struggling but I hate asking for help. My family have already helped me out so much and I SHOULD be able to do this by myself. It would be a big help if Paul were to move in with me and we could split the bills but he obviously has it really good living at home at the moment so I wouldn’t want to ask him to pay more just to help me out. I am excited to live with him one day but. I don’t know it’s not very romantic to get him to live with me just to help me pay my bills!
Sorry that was a massive ramble! So work on Thursday was fine and after work Paul came round to see me which was awesome. Not seeing him since Saturday made it extra lovely to see him! He’s just had his hair cut and he’s growing his beard back and he looked so handsome! We made dinner together (well, I grated some cheese and cut up some chicken and he did the rest!) and started watching the new season of American Horror Story. It was so nice to be snuggled up on the couch with him. He really does make me super happy. It was a bit annoying because I’ve gone straight from cystitis to my time of the month so it’s 2 weeks of no sexy time., when I’d have quite happily of jumped him on thursday night! We did fool around a bit when we got in to bed I kind of went to town on him but without success lol! He says it’s not my fault and I think he’s being honest, a lot of the time it will take him a long time or it won’t happen at all when we’re getting it on. But it does make me feel a bit rubbish because I just want to be able to make him feel good! I wish I had better skills and more stamina!! He was super cuddley all night which was really lovely because we usually have a bit of a cuddle but then separate to actually fall asleep. It made me feel all happy and butterfly-ey and stuff. I am really lucky because he is so lovely!
On Friday we both worked again and then he came over for dinner, I made enchiladas and we watched one more American horror and then Walking dead and fooled around again, I went down on him on the couch which he said was a massive turn on lol, Then when we were talking later he mentioned that before me he'd never had a blow job, which I kind of like! He said that he couldn't believe his luck that I'm happy to do it! But then I realised that that means his first ever one was when we both got super drunk on his birthday last year and I went back to his. I was soooo drunk so it can't have been very good! I kind of asked him why he hadn't had any when he was with Lorna because they were together for a while and he said that he asked once and she got really angry. It makes me really sad for him but I'm really happy that he's happy now, I know I'm not the perfect girlfriend but he says I make him happy!
On Saturday we had a awesome lie in and lazy cuddles in the morning, then he helped me clean up the flat. Then we went to studland beach for a walk which was lovely!
Then we came home and I had a bath whilst Paul made us curry for dinner. Then we watched Now You See Me which I really enjoyed but Paul didn't love. Then we had a earlyish night! It's been a good weekend so far!!
Also, I'm thinking of starting a 'fashion' book here and recording what I'm wearing every week. I want to start making more of a effort to look nice and wear my lovely clothes and accessories instead of wearing the same boring things all the time! So hopefully proseboxing it will make me stick to it/keep it up! So look out for that :)
loads of love hat xxx
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