This is killing me…
Seeing Bat wake up miserable. Pissed that he has to work at a shitty grocery store. And I mean really shitty. They really like to fuck over their employees. Bat is a hard worker, he want’s second hand, But the company’s too cheap( or stupid, not sure which, maybe a bit of both) to do so because they have a moronic lazy bitch as second and they want to keep her for some reason ($$$!!). Bat wants that position. Better pay. Bat is way too intelligent to do that kind of work. Honestly, stocking shelves at night is more my area. I don’t have much for brains so stocking shelves in a retail store is where I belong. So why don’t I get off my lazy white ass and get a job, you ask? Because I can’t legally work in the States yet. And the government are thieves.
Bat works nightcrew, minimum wage, his grandmother helps us but that’s it. I can only watch while my husband slowly loses his mind because he needs to be elsewhere, he needs more. Better.
All I want is his happiness.
I’ve only truly seen him smile 3 times: The day I said yes, that I would marry him; the day we got married; and, after 8 months of agony, living in different countries after we got married, we finally seen each other at the airport. Other than that, all I’ve ever seen in his deep blue eyes was pain.
He feels he’s completely wasting his life at his work, which he isn’t. If it wasn’t for him and having this job, I would have had to find a roommate for those 8 months when I was in Canada (he would never let that happen) I wouldn’t have been able to get a plane ticket and I certainly wouldn’t be here now. Don’t get me wrong, I busted my ass when I was working downtown Metro in Ottawa, But It’s not like I was making much money, no matter how hard I pushed my physical capabilities, trying to do the kind of shit the guys could do, lifting skids and shit. I was the fastest one on the crew, When we threw the load, customers knew to get the hell out of my way.. I’m short, I’m tiny and I’m fast. I didn’t make much money and I kept landing myself in the hospital with over exertion, Back inflammation, severe pain, etc. But fuck, I miss that rush. I used to be able to do 300 lifts with a 10lbs weight, each arm, no sweat. Then grab my coffee and bust my ass. And for the past 10 months I’ve been unable to work. If we had the money when we got here I would have been able to work last July or august. Now I’m making clay stuff and actually wanting to sell my creations (even though I find my creations to be my own and I’m kinda possessive about that) But we’re desperate right now. I posted to facebook about requests for clay things people want me to make. I’ve got a few people but that’s it. heh, I don’t have many on my facebook cause I’m not very social. I’m getting better too, learning more techniques. I’m trying to sell them. But not idea what I’d sell them for. And I still need to post more pics of my stuff. And if anyone on here has any requests, I’d be more than happy to see what I can come up with. I’m just trying to get immigration taken care of so I can finally start my life with my husband. Because at this point, I need to do something to helps us useless as I feel, I need to remind myself that there is always a way, I just need the opportunity present itself. If I can sell these, awesome. If I can get odd jobs here and there, cool too. I just need to do something. Because this life is either going to make us Kill ourselves, others and or start stealing shit. We need money so I can start working and making money that we desperately already need. Pretty fucked huh?
-Wolfy
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