Hey…
So as I mentioned before, I failed completely all accounts… I did quite well all week but got really down on the Friday night and it all went downhill from there! Drew was supposed to go out on Friday but didn’t and he and Robyn got Chinese takeaway and kind of took over the kitchen and living room, so I went to bed at about 7 and watched Netflix and felt sorry for myself! On Saturday I had the day off and spent the majority of it cleaning the lounge and kitchen which were both gross. Drew did clean the bathroom and Robyn had gone to London for the day to see her friends. In the evening Paul came round and made a curry and made a point of cleaning up after himself, on Sunday I worked, came home and the kitchen and lounge were a state again! It’s SO frustrating! I don’t know what to do about it really, I don’t really just want to accept that my home will always look like rubbish but I also don’t want to spend all my free time cleaning up other people’s mess! I’ve spoken to them so many times about little things like rinsing the bath out after them, making sure that the breakfast bar work surface is always clear, making sure when they wash up that the things they’ve washed are actually clean… but it doesn’t make any difference! I still have to ‘go to the toilet’ after Robyn’s had a bath to see if she’s rinsed it and do it if she hasn’t, I still have to spend 5 minutes clearing the work-top before I can make any food, I still have to check that crockery and cutlery is clean before I can use it and I hate it! Beth went to lunch with Drew and Robyn whilst I was at work and was trying to feel out how long they’ll be staying for… when they first moved in in January I was told 6 months to a year, it’s been 10 months already and they haven’t even started looking for another place yet… Beth said that they told her they’d start looking in the new year and Drew said that he feels like the longer he stay’s the more he’s helping dad out because it means the less dad has to contribute to their deposit. So it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting rid of them any time soon! Quite a few of my bills have gone up since I first worked out how much they should pay towards things like gas & electric and water etc. I’ve just worked it out and from next month I’ll be asking for about an extra £50 between them… (at the moment they pay just over £170 a month between the 2 of them which is SUCH a bargain, especially because they have the bigger room and most nights have the lounge to themselves as well). Beth said that Robyn mentioned that she doesn’t feel at home, which seems ridiculous to me! I can’t imagine how she would act if she did feel at home because she is constantly leaving stuff everywhere! Throughout the week it accumulates so there might be 3 pairs of earrings and a watch on the bathroom sink, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 handbags multiple pairs of socks and a couple of coats over the lounge floor… At the weekend I’ll have to go round collecting all these random bits and leave them in a pile outside their bedroom door. I think she thinks it’s ok because I do have a bit of a reputation for being messy in my family and I can be but I tend to contain it in my bedroom and I am nowhere near as bad as her!! Also as Paul keeps pointing out it is my flat so I maybe have a bit more leeway to make a mess if I want to?! Another thing they do that really grosses me out is that she’ll quite often make too much dinner to have the leftovers the next night but instead of boxing the left overs up in the fridge, or even in somewhere enclosed like the oven or microwave, she’ll leave the pan uncovered on the hob for a full day, and then heat it up again for the next day’s dinner. It would be bad enough but then take in to account that Africa has the run of the flat overnight and during the day when everyone is at work there is no way that she isn’t ‘investigating’ that pan when there’s no one there! I’ve mentioned it to Robyn a couple of times and I used to even cover the pan up myself with the lid but I don’t bother now…
Also another frustrating thing which isn’t their fault… I’m not sure if I wrote about this before but last winter my central heating stopped working, it wasn’t actually that big of a deal because it was a fairly mild winter and I still had hot water and a portable electric heater so it didn’t really affect me too much. Before Drew and Robyn moved in Dad offered to pay for the boiler to be fixed and got a plumber he works with to have a look at it. So this guy fixed the heating but ever since he did my running water has cycled from boiling hot to freezing cold, Dad’s spoken to him about it and he says he knows what would be causing it but he would want to be paid to sort it even though he caused the problem in the first place! No one else seems to be that bothered about it and I don’t have the spare money to pay for it myself but it means I’ve pretty much given up on showers, whenever I do have one it makes me so miserable because I’m constantly having to dodge out of the stream of water to avoid the freezing cold or boiling hot bit (and it really is boiling hot… once Paul was running the hot tap over a frozen chicken breast to defrost it and it cooked the chicken!) the bit in-between when the water is bearable doesn’t last very long so it takes me so much longer to shower now so I’ve mostly been having baths instead but I am incapable of having a quick bath, once I lie down I don’t want to move so I have been washing myself less (I know it’s gross L) and that has contributed to/been caused by me feeling rubbish.
So what I’m trying to say with that massive whinge is that this is something that quite often gets me down and when I get down at the moment I automatically default to eating rubbish or spending money to make myself feel better. I feel like it wouldn’t be so bad if I had an end in sight, if they were a bit tidier, if they went out occasionally but that’s not the case so I guess I need to work on developing some new healthier coping strategies. I do want to write more often, I’d like to write daily and although it does help to vent I do hate feeling like I’m whining all the time and I think it would be good for me to try to focus on the positive things and things that I’m grateful for. They are there, it’s just easier for me to fixate on the negative.
It’s so silly because although I do those things ‘to make myself feel better’ they don’t really, I’m feeling really low in myself right now, my monthly visitor is due so I’m guessing that it’s partly down to that. Also I’m on late shifts this week (12.30-9) which usually put me in a funny mood because I feel like I should be using my mornings to do something productive but I never do and then I feel guilty about it, also because my breaks aren’t at normal meal times I end up grazing all day even when I’m not remotely hungry which again makes me feel tired and unhappy… Part of me is wondering if I should just write the rest of this week off, because it’s all lates, and then just have a fresh start on Monday, it will probably mean being pretty miserable for the rest of the week but if I wanted to go down the route of not writing it off it means I would have to try and find the motivation somewhere to go and by some healthy food tomorrow morning and make myself a packed lunch before I leave for work… I know that doesn’t seem like that much when I don’t need to leave for work until 11.45 but I’m not confident I’ll be able to do it (also I won’t get home until about 9.30 tonight so by the time I’ve had my dinner and a bath I won’t be getting to sleep super early). So for now I’m still undecided!
xxx
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