Last night was an emotional one for me. I couldn’t stop obsessing over my stupid HCG levels and worrying that I was going to end up miscarrying again. The perks of working at a hospital with a birthing center aside from my insurance covering any and all future birthing expenses, is that I can waltz on over there whenever I like to try and ease my catastrophizing mind.
I found the head nurse, Jackie, and pulled her aside. Apparently NO ONE over there is up to date with HCG leveling criteria so no one was able to basically tell me, “You’re fine.” However, Jackie did call the midwife on call for me so I could speak with her. She is a sweet, older woman named Mary, who wasn’t able to calm my nerves, but was able to reschedule my ultrasound appointment.
There was a note from the doctor on my file saying that as a result of my “HCG levels not rising appropriately” he wanted my ultrasound scheduled for THIS week, and my OB scheduled it for next week. Mary made a few phone calls and Radiology said they would call me when they had a time.
Mary sat with me for a few minutes and let me vent my worries. She was quiet and nodded and smiled and her words while not at all reassuring, were honest and gentle. She told me that the best thing I could do was hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. That sank heavy in my stomach, but I went with it, and was happy with the fact that my appointment would be earlier.
When Radiology called, I was not quite so happy, haha. They scheduled my appointment for 7:30 this morning.
So, this morning, after working until 11:15 last night and not getting to sleep until 12:30, I was up at 6. I hardly slept due to nerves (and I haven’t been sleeping well anyway) so I set the coffee on and started the car. Tim and I headed back to the hospital at 6:45 and got there for 7.
The ultrasound tech was so nice. She set me up for a topical ultrasound. My heart was racing. Tim was holding my hand. She started looking for my ovaries, and then found the uterus. And the yolk sac. And then, she pointed to the screen, looked at me, and said:
“See that flicker there? That’s the heartbeat.”
I lost it. I broke down and sobbed. I was so relieved, so thankful, so overwhelmed to see this little bean on the monitor flashing at me. I haven’t felt happiness like that since before I had the miscarriage.
She then set me up for the internal, which is NEVER fun, but we got an even clearer image of the little peanut. And I’m measuring ahead of schedule! 6w5d today, with a new EDD of September 25, 2015. The heartbeat was 127 bpm and everything looked perfect. Just absolutely, positively perfect.
I have another appointment scheduled at the beginning of March, but I may try to get in a bit sooner just to keep regular monitoring.
I’m so happy. And nauseous. And tired. And hormonal. And I am so thankful for all of it.
Loading comments...