Interwoven in The dotted line

Some people, places and possessions are anchors in our lives.

My favourite animated film is Inside Out. I love the visualisation of our emotions, everyday memory banks, core memories, personality islands and the glumness of the memory dump.

Six months ago I lost my Mum to cancer. I'm aware that she's gone, but the energy I feel when I think of her remains the same. Parts of her are interwoven into my identity, she's been a huge influence on my life and I have a lifetime of memories to treasure. 

I'm also grateful to have the gift of a vivid memory, which allows me to relive her laughter, her happy little movements, her angry face when one of us wound her up, the way she'd shh'd my Dad when we were telling a story.. 

And when memories are that real, it feels very easy to visit other timelines. It happens naturally, when something triggers a thought or a feeling. It may be brief or somewhere I dwell. It doesn't mean I think she's still here, but it can momentarily feel that way and definitely eases the loss and change.

Of course I logically accept that there is no way to reverse the absolute end. I do not wish to be haunted, if such a thing exists. Nor do I wish to walk through a sci-fi portal to jump back to the months before she died, to get more time with her, there was too much suffering.

But by visiting her in the treasure trove of memories, as well as finding her gentle, playful essence in everything she created or cherished, I can balance the loss and the joy, the past and the future.

She still inspires me to follow my own path, to think outside of the box, to empathise, to find joy in all of the little things, to be playful and silly and to eat more cake!