There’s something about a good version of “I’ve Never Been in Love Before” that instantly reverts me back to being 20. When I think about songs that enchant me, this one is at the top of the list. And if I happen to be listening to it at one AM in a quiet, calm house, just like I used to do working the night shift at Best Western – that’s when I’m the closest to channeling that earlier version of me.
It makes me happy knowing she’s there, and knowing one of the keys that unlocks her. Full stop.
The only thing is, it always jolts me back to Stan era. It’s odd, because I have no explicit memory of him and that song together. I mean, it’s possible – we did slow dance to jazz music one night; I was so enamored it’s easy to imagine it imprinted itself thoroughly; who knows. But whether it actually did play a role back then, it captures that 2002 feel: all the full-hearted, fresh, innocent, neptunian, rose-colored glasses stuff comes on strong. Yet what wells up within me isn’t love, just fondness. Gratitude. I’m happy to have memories of me growing into myself, and of how that happened a little bit during that time. And I’m happy to have loved him in that season, and also happy it passed.
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