she started focusing on being and life, on what makes an individual. this part of the journey wasn't always pleasant, after all, when someone decides to find the cause of the effects of very personal issues it is expected that many an unpleasant thing will come to the fore.
so consider life as a building, a structure of the finest architectural design. consider character as a concoction of external elements that collide with thoughts and the conscience. consider behaviour as the after effects of external experiences and interactions. and then there is the structure, the building, the culmination of varied forces adorned with a unique façade. becoming one's individuality...
excerpts from "of individuality" © mvclarke, 2013
you see this structure before you,
i built it
but it isn’t made of wood or steel or stone
my materials are much stronger
they include thoughts, ideas, ambitions, and passions
and you cant buy these anywhere, because i created them,
and you don’t need to know how i did that
construction has taken a long time
years
decades
and now i'm pleased with the results of my lifelong ambitions
you see,
my structure is quite unique
such architecture is found nowhere else on earth
after all, this design is all mine..."
this 2013 poem was a first real attempt at exploring and analysing self and life. she needed to know about herself far apart from the deductions of humanity. she needed to sit in her own silence and think in the most selfish of ways, beyond the obstructions of existence and daily life... she let all her thoughts flow freely, an activity that life didn't teach her. this in concluding she said,
"so don’t try to pull my structure down
since you don’t understand the passion that went into building it
but if you wish to try,
remember,
my foundation is embedded in a rock
that no chisel can break,
my walls protect me from the floods of distress that rise around me
my windows and doors shut out all negativity, disappointment and discontent
my roof is strong enough to withstand the winds of frustration, pain and humiliation
and my entire being is fortified with pillars of individuality
stronger than steel and harder than diamonds
so don’t try to deconstruct this beautiful and perfect me
just because my un-conforming façade causes a discontinuity in your structural conventions
for this structure is bound with the mortar of determination
and furnished with dreams, desires, liberty and peace of mind..."
(excerpts from "of individuality" ©️ mvclarke, for much deliberation, 2013)
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