30 Letters: #4 Your Father in 30 Letters

Dear Dad,
We were never that close, but I just chock that up to me being of the female gender. I will admit that you tried and did a pretty good job (even though you referred to pads as “handy things”, haha). Even though we didnt hang out all the time, we had something more valuable than that: our connection. I tell everyone that ‘I am my fathers child’. They see your hands, your blue eyes, your front teeth gap, your hairy arms (thanks for that) when they look at me. What I am talking about are the things they can not see; your smart-assed remarks that come out of my mouth, your work ethics that show when I stay another hour, your social anxiety when I freak out in the middle of Wal-Mart, your rage when I cant pull off the perfect Christmas.
I dont know if you remember or not, but when I was a teen our connection started to show and it has just become stronger and stronger. Even though we are thousands of miles apart, when you hurt, I hurt, when you freak out, I freak out, when you are sick, I am sick. Isnt this something that happens to twins and not father / daughter? Either way, I think its pretty cool.
When I was little I always wished I had a “normal” dad. You know, one that wares ties, drinks coffee and plays sports. Do you know how hard it is to buy a fathers day gift for a man that does none of the above?
You were right, though. While mom and grandmother were telling me to conform, you were there encouraging me to ask question. You were the one saying ‘if you like it, do it’. Your advice was never long a drawn out, but it was hard hitting.
You might not have been “normal” but I think normalcy would have killed you. For all that you have taught and shown me I thank you. I wish I could have made you prouder of me, but I need you to know it was not your fault. I just made a series of bad decisions.
With all my love,
- N