I am so super stressed right now. I just want this baby to be out and healthy. I feel as if every single day she is inside me there is a chance something could happen. I hate taking a risk like this. Friday afternoon my itching intensified and my whole body started getting a rash (or maybe a reaction to my itching). I have cholestasis so I always itch a little but this weekend has been horrible. I called my midwife twice and basically got not much help. I feel this is really serious and a possibly indication that other things are not ok and for 48+ hours I have just been expected to sit here and overanalyze everything. I have an appointment tomorrow at 11 and I am so super stressed over what I am going to say. I feel like I need to be an advocate for myself and my child, but it is so hard for me to stand up and speak my mind. I KNOW she is safe right now… and I am past 35 weeks and her bpp looked great indicating that she could be born now without issues - so my question is WHY are we postponing this? If her growth is not adequate anyway then why take the risk keeping her in just so she can possibly gain another 6-8oz? It seems like an obvious solution to me. I would much rather have a smaller baby who may even possibly need to stay in the hospital for a bit than have a baby who passes away in the same manner my last did. I know the bile salts are worse in my blood right now, I don’t even need blood test results to know that - I can feel my skin crawling. And I know the risk associated with that… I can’t help but feel that this shouldn’t be ignored and I should be told just to “wait it out”.
I literally can NOT take this anymore - my anxiety is through the roof and for good reason. I am not irrational and I do feel that if something isn’t done tomorrow or asap things will not be good. I have spent many sleepless nights over the past 18 months researching exactly what happened with my son and this is textbook cholestasis - and research indicates that baby should be delivered at the LATEST 37 weeks… my induction is 37w1d. Callum was born at 37w3d and he had been gone for at least a week…
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